the kids are inside

the kids are inside, and we have gone to the back yard to sit in lawn chairs. the sun is highlighting her hair, and we are talking about the things we have to do, the things we've done. the things we have planned.

i look over, and there's a catch in my breath. years we've spent together, faced demons, and angels, became gods with one another.

she is beautiful.

i wonder about the future, what new challenges and victories it will bring. we speak of planting the garden, and work, and all the trifling things. enjoying the company of one another, in the spring.

there is a point in the conversation where she pauses, and I see her go back to the inside places. the places she rarely shares. her mouth tightens, and she takes a sip of our shared drink, and i wonder what thing she is remembering. if she will share, and if i dare ask, what are you thinking?

spring times past, or gardens planted? land furrowed with intent, as our garden is before us? something dark, or difficult?

she looks over, and sees me seeing her, and she smiles at me. pleased, if not happy. content, if not fulfilled. she was born hungry, for life and what it might bring, and there's that un-satisfaction that we have in common, it's not finished yet, there's more to do, and we have to keep on with the work, and the work, and the Work.

but for now, we have the moment, and she reaches over, and holds my hand.

Falling in Love

falling in love is ... complicated

but you can't help it. she's fun and smart and pretty, and the more you get to love her, the prettier she gets. she's' lovely, has been the whole time. it's your own eyes that are losing scales.

rubbing up against her, you find frictions. sometimes the good ones that fuel the passions of all the good things, other times the heat that changes you that leaves you feeling like you fucked up, and are ready to do better.

she's everywhere you look, all the time, and you love her. she doesn't go away, and you don't want her to, because she is beautiful. so beautiful.

but sometimes she makes you smile, and other times there are tears, and they are also beautiful.

the secret is that she loves you too, and nothing.

nothing.


can prepare you for that.

Never Fall in Love with a Goddess

never fall in love with a goddess, unless you can.

it’s easy to see throughout history the dangers of women falling for Zeus or being prettier than Hera.

but there’s little mention of the guys who fall for a goddess.

she changes you, man, brings out things that you don’t think you can possibly even attain to.

but you do.

she’s somehow far away, you chase her all day, until you get that moment of breakthrough.

so sweet her cool waters that slake the hot thirst, as you lift her veil

and kiss her mouth

and then she’s gone

again.

words are never enough, she ducks and hides and you lust for a second to catch her attention while she’s busy with things she might mention.

in passing.

you love her, it hurts, but you know what it’s worth, you get stronger with each passing season. closer and sooner, the moments combine and you live for it, no matter the reason.

stronger, smarter, faster, your relentless pursuit helps you master the things that distract you, from the beauty of her eyes. The press of her lips. The treasures between her thighs. Her mind and heart, the quiet sounds of her breathing as she falls asleep.

the things that make you feel alive.

it takes strength, brother, it takes will, and you don’t really know what you’re after until it’s too late to stop because you got that taste, that smell, and it lingers and you want her more, to feel her fingertips on your own, to wake at night and make a light so you can see her face, for a moment.

but it kills you to love a goddess.

it’s a good death, worth every minute, don’t get me wrong, she’s there before long, and you rise up better, man, than you ever were before.

simply because with her, you can.

but never fall in love with a goddess


unless you can.

Some Love Stuff

I published a few things on Facebook that were related to Love while Venus was in Taurus lately. Imma post the ones i like the most here, feel free to share them as you will, or ignore them. I just want them saved.

A Commiseration for the Magi

I think if I could go back and not do the Work, I would. It changes you, and you know things. Things that are harder to live with, more challenging. It gives you the strength to deal with it, but it also makes you more sensitive to things other people don't have to deal with. There are things I'd rather not know, that I know, and I can't forget. There are things I'd rather not know how to do that I can't stop doing now, because there's no off switch, there's just turn it on and go. It ruins you for a normal life. No one ever mentions it, so a warning for folks called to this path: be prepared to be changed. Be prepared to see people in all their weakness, and to love them anyway. Be prepared to set aside your tenets. They are false in the face of love. Be prepared to be wrong, so wrong, and be prepared to be set right. Be prepared for heartache, like you wouldn't believe, grief that feels like death, and these words will not suffice to warn you about that, it's a killer, but then you don't die. You keep on living, in power. In knowledge. And then you have to will and dare. And keep silent. And the learning who and what you are never stops. And sometimes it's amazing, and other time it's just not pretty. And then when you've done the Work, you're aware of all the things you fuck up, and you have to just deal with it. Fix it with the tools you've got at hand. Hope for the best. The "GREAT" in Great Work doesn't mean super fun and always awesome. It just means big. It makes you big. Consider whether you want to be big before you take on the challenge. A bigger you is a bigger you. All you, all the time, and you know it, but you still have feelings, and they are bigger too. I say that as if we have a choice. But it's not like any of us had a choice. We do the Work when we do it, and we suffer the consequences. Consider this a commiseration for the magi. It looked like fun and wealth and power and freedom, and it turned out to be a love that knows no bounds, that won't stop, it just keeps going. There's no escape to some hidden place where you get away from it, there's just this love that goes on and on, and there's ... no off switch.

And I lied at the top of this post. I'd do it every time.