Monday, July 04, 2011

On being a "g" God

"I'm really more of an "og" god."

Ok, so recent events have me considering some shit. Ponderin' on it. Thinkin, but thinkin' deep.

The ethics of doing black magic as I see fit don't really come up when I'm doing it. I mean, it never even crossed my mind that I might be doing something "wrong."  It was a tool that fit my need, and as a temporary measure, it worked. It was like triage. It might not be the best long-term solution, but it's the best until I can get to it.

My long term solution to heal the victim spiritually without their consent or knowledge or active participation was shady too. I sure the fuck don't want to deal with anyone doing that shit to me. I've got a plan, a process, an ongoing experiment that well-intended magics done to bring me enlightenment in another area can fuck right up. No thank you.

In fact, I have a loving, caring, sweet little old lady mom who's a fundy Christian who prays for me regularly. I have to deal with that shit, account for it in my calculations, filter, redirect, and resolve it so it's suited for my purposes. I have to plan around it. Because it matters.

So the fundamental core rule, "would I want someone doing that to me," was broken by my own choice. That's why it falls into "black magic" in my classification system. 

But at the same time, if I needed someone to step in because I was hurting people without realizing it, or caring, then I would thank them for intervening before things got worse, after I got better. 

So I did it anyway. As the king of my kingdom, there's a lot of shit I have to do every day that I don't like. That "ideal world" that we're striving for isn't this one we live in. I don't like to work for a living. I think that's a terrible idea. I don't like paying bills to experience whatever quality of modern life I can afford. Another terrible idea. People suck. I mean, really. Suck. That whole mess... An honestly terrible idea. I hate dealing with all that shit. It's evil, and I am he who hates that evil should be done upon the earth, you know?

But shit happens, and I deal. I'm the king, so it falls to me to take care of my kingdom, and that means solid waste water treatment for potable drinking water and a police force to keep the rowdies in line. Whatever it takes, no matter how distasteful or disgusting, the work to maintain my kingdom falls to me, it's my task, it's my assignment. The High King tasked me with this job, and I'm not going to fuck it up.

So I've been doing the Work of the Gates series regularly for a couple of months now, and it's coming after years of similar kinds of Work that have changed me, raised me through the spheres. I've been progressing, attaining, moving up through the heavens and descending in power to create the world for a while. I do a lot of magic.

I can't walk on waves* yet, but I can make some nice things happen pretty quickly, and I generally take it for granted that what I'm doing is generally right. I have checks and balances in place, my HGA is consulted as are divinatory techniques before I do stuff, and I have a system that lets me do what needs to be done. More than that, I spend time chasing God, the First Father, my Source. I move myself up through the spheres and beyond, through the 8th and ninth, past the Pleroma and straight on into the Divine Darkness where sits the One.

I've seen that evil and good are both things that are used in the hands of God to accomplish his will. The True Will. It's not pleasant. I don't like it. I wish things were designed differently, the same way a surgeon wishes they could operate and heal without having to cut through the skin of the patient. And like them, I seek the higher tech next-gen tool that might make it happen, sonic ultrasound, invisible lasers, microwave scalpels. But in the mean time, I use what I've got. 

And honestly, the idea that evil is evil is wrong anyway. I know a lot of people aren't ready to hear this shit, but it's true, there's no such thing as evil, and everything is good. Even evil things are really good. The whole thing about the sin in the Garden of Eden was that before we ate from that tree, everything was good. Then we gained "knowledge" of good and evil, and things went wrong. It wasn't evil before we thought it was evil. You get it? We were created not to judge things "good" or "evil," just to tend the Garden with the tools at hand. 

Spiritual being extends beyond space and time, up and down, east and west, north and south, in and out, and yes, just like those, also beyond good and evil. It is more than those properties. When you see this and integrate it, you don't spend a lot of time worrying about the ethics of a situation.You just do what you need to do, and because of your training and preparation, it is the right thing to do. 

So yeah, I'm a god. Technically a demi-god, half mortal, half eternal. Like the Heroes of the Greek classics. I'm not perfect, I'm not all-powerful, I'm not ascended and enlightened and all-knowing. I have a larger present than most people I meet, in that I can see more of the operations of the past moving together to form the potential future. I can manifest stuff pretty quickly, and I can hasten the waning away of other stuff I don't like. I can create situations I want, and disperse situations that I don't want. My wants are aligned closer to the reasons I'm here. I can defeat monsters and converse with the angels and the other gods. All in all, I'm pretty good at being the image of God, a lower-case "g" god.

How cool is that? Pretty cool. I've been through the "I want power" part, and then the "What am I supposed to do with this power" part, and then the "Oh, like this!" part. I've ascended and descended and integrated so many forces that I've gotten to a point where people are questioning whether I'm Jesus Christ in my knowledge and understanding of the universe.

And yes, my brothers, I can understand why you might think that. I am pretty cool, after all.

Yeah, so that's what I've been thinkin' about. Ponderin' on. Meditating on and contemplating how cool I am, the things I've accomplished, and that I'm a friggin' god.

So yeah, I expect a massive smack-down in my near future to reveal once again that ok, you might have done some shit, but look how much MORE you have to do. 

That's usually how it goes. 

Trials, ordeals, obstacles, new conjurations, new initiations, new techniques, more power and joy and ecstatic rites of bliss, knowing and being known, you know, biblically, by the Holy Spirit in all her Glory...

I love this job.

*Yes I tried. Of course I tried. I'm at the beach. You wouldn't?