For the last couple of years, I've been pumping plantary powers into my sphere, transforming my life and my self into something ... else. I've been grabbing onto my power as a divine being in a material world, taking authority over my life and the things that happen in it, and learning how to be a good king, in a creative and productive way.
|Iovis Maximus ... WTF!?|
I felt a lot like Tetsuo from Akira at times, overcome with this power that I couldn't really control. There were great times, and weird times. It was not entirely unlike puberty, but at last things are starting to settle down. I feel like I've hit a point now in my practice where I can calmly approach the business of manifesting my life without the manic expansion in one sphere that happens when you conjure without balance.
And frankly it happened this week. This week has been one of those weeks where you can draw a definitive line in the sand as the end of everything that led up to this point, and the beginning of what comes next. In a lot of ways we can do that every day, but this was more clearly and undeniably one of those moments than usual.
In the last week, Harper and I bought a house in Minneappolis together, and we're settling into our new lives. I received a full time offer of employment from my contract job. And I went through a week long spiritual retreat that culminated in receiving my formal initiation as a Neophyte into the A:.A:. last night.
For years, Jason Miller has been telling me about the usefulness of meditation, but I didn't have the training, dedication, appreciation, or inclination to actually meditate daily. Thanks to the A:.A:. requirements, I've been sitting for fifteen minutes doing pranayama and fifteen minutes in asana and various meditations for the last few months. The results are undeniable. It really is just like it says in Magick in Theory and Practice. If you do it every day for three weeks, you'll experience exactly what is described, and if you keep doing it, things will improve, exactly as described.
I don't know if I can attribute the A:.A:. work with the coming together of everything and the feeling of calm preparedness I have now regarding my Spheres. I also have done a shit ton of magic on the regular for years. It could be that I fianlly have hit a level of integration where the vast cosmic powers I channel are finally in equilibrium. It could also be that the A:.A:. stuff came as a result of integrating the forces released in my initiations, I don't know.
But I do know I am ready for what comes next. I've got the awesome physical foundation for the next fifteen years. I have books in process that will be going to the publisher soon. I have classes to run, and students to teach. I'm continuing in my advancement through the degrees of the OTO and the EGC. I'm hanging out with some of the greatest magicians of our time, and I'm having a blast.
So, for those who are going through the shit now, hang in there, get your head on straight, let go of trying to keep shit the same, and let your life go to hell so it can get better. You might feel like Tetsuo for a bit, but you're getting experience and perspective, and wisdom.