Saturday, May 14, 2011

Worst Demon Ever: Spasmodius





Serves under Elemental Prince:



Can totally make you feel all insecure and nervous, makes you laugh a little too loud at social gatherings when you think you've said something witty, but also makes you aware that everyone is just sort of looking at you and trying to think of a way to go get something to drink or eat or somefuckingthing to get the hell away from you before anyone thinks you're together.

Also responsible for whipping up political paroxysms among bleeding heart liberals and their mouth-breathing inbred white tea bagger mortal enemies over such trivialities as sexual preference or the relative amount of melanin in someone's dermis and the impact that has on their right to answer the call of God in their lives as they see fit.

Indications of the presence of Spasmodius: gross insecurity, infectious drama queenery, increased caffeine intake, fervent postings on Facebook of political articles hyperbolizing the issues to increase their own sales, head-for-the-hills-the-sky-is-falling advice presented in intelligent and even-tempered, but maniacally persistent discourse, or the posting of five or more blog posts of more than five paragraphs each on a given topic within three days.


Banishing rites:

Spasmodius cannot abide the forces of the sphere of Saturn. Something about a vision of eternity and the beginnings and endings of all things just seems to snap things into perspective, robbing him of his ability to create anxiety, angst, or low-level fear and paranoia over STUPID-ASS BULLSHIT.