I still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me...
-David Bowie, ChangesSo I've been playing more with the Eighth Sphere magic I've been learning from the spirits lately. It's pretty amazing stuff. It really is about intent, and I'm finding parallels to the Energy model that are so ... very ... well, yeah, a bit annoying, bur mostly damned useful, honestly. I tense a muscle in the back of my hand, and this power just flows out, palpable to others. I was working on a household project that had me out in the sun on a really hot day, and I thought of Raphael in the West, Prince of the Air Elemental direction, twisted my head a bit, sort of, and a cool breeze came drifting in, followed by a really nice, cooling shower that only lasted long enough to be pleasant. I'm experiencing the Chain of Manifestation directly, and finding that everything I'm going through was right there in Agrippa the whole time.
See, manifestation is a lot like the scales of a fish, or overlapping chain mail. You move one piece, and all the ones nearby are moved. Muscle control combined with symbol and intent releases a flow of power that has an instant effect on the environment around you. Everything, every link or scale has an intelligence, an awareness that can be spoken to, if you only know its language.
And it's really weird for me because I'm used to being able to put things into words. But in the Eighth Sphere, you learn to sing hymns of silence in preparation for the Ninth. It's a matter of directing your intent in worshipful observation, in celebration of the process of manifestation. You tune your observation-with-intent to harmonize with the manifestation current, and you find yourself as the conductor as well as a player in the orchestra. And see, there's no limit to what can be accomplished. You name a thing, and it responds, and then it returns to where it used to be.
You want to curse someone? Flip them off with intent. Sex on your mind? Tense that Mound of Venus with intent, and see what happens.
This isn't the kind of thing I can put into words, at least not yet. I've got to experiment more, and pay attention to what's going on when I figure something new out. I'm at a point where I can think about a desired effect, clear my mind, and just feel how to make it happen. There's a mind-body connection (also discussed in Agrippa) that is directly plugged straight into the Source outlet. And when we do it ourselves, there's no demons with a "fuck you filter" in place by nature to suck it all away.
This isn't, for the record, me adopting the Energy Model and abandoning the Spirit Model. I can see now how it all fits together, like the scales of a fish, overlapping and rubbing hard against one another in unison. Here, Agrippa says it better:
Hence saith Aristotle in the sixth book of his Mysticall Philosophy, that when any one by binding or bewitching doth call upon the Sun or other stars, praying them to be helpfull to the work desired, the Sun and other Stars do not heare his words, but are moved after a certain manner by a certain conjunction, and mutuall series, whereby the parts of the world are mutually subordinate the one to the other, and have a mutuall consent, by reason of their great union: As in mans body one member is moved by perceiving the motion of another, and in a harp one string is moved at the motion of another. So when any one moves any part of the world; other parts are moved by the perceiving the motion of that. The knowledge therefore of the dependency of things following one the other, is the foundation of all wonderfull operation, which is necessarily required to the exercising the power of attracting superior vertues. - Three Books of Occult Philosophy, Book 2, chapter 60That whole chapter is pretty deep. Note the final sentence:
In the first place therefore we must implore assistance from the first author, and praying not only with mouth but a Religious gesture and supplicant soul, also abundantly, uncessantly, and sincerely...See? Pretty cool, eh? Religious Gesture? It's right there.
Now the reason I'm even talking about this cool stuff that I can't put into words yet is because I want to give you some insight into my recent decision to take the Goetic Grimoire off the list of things I sell. I overestimated the value of those spirits, and underestimated their negative effects. At this point, I wouldn't teach my son to conjure demons, you know? I can't in good conscience keep telling people that the demons aren't that bad when really, they aren't that great. Especially when there's a much better way that doesn't nearly kill you just to get what you want to manifest.
Kill you? That's a bit extreme, right?
I haven't mentioned it publicly before, but without getting into too much detail, I almost died a couple weeks ago. Spent Memorial Day and a couple more in the hospital. My heart muscles and the surrounding tissue were literally dying, and the necrotic biomatter of my decaying heart was killing me. My heart's inflamed to this day, and not in prayer. In virus.
So look, I've got really good reasons to think twice before calling up the spirits of the Lemegeton's Goetia. Conjuring them really isn't worth it. That's coming from a guy who has conjured damned close to half the spirits of the Lemegeton over the last few years, and developed close and personal friendships with some of them. I've reaped rewards from them, and I'm still telling you: they aren't worth the price.
Especially when everything you need to get everything you want them for is sitting literally in the palm of your hand. I wouldn't have seen it, not clearly, not without receiving the initiation I've been through, without learning that they just aren't necessary to accomplish the Hermetic goal. That, combined with some rather forceful revelations about the nature of the Lem's Goetia spirits has led to a lot of soul searching and evaluation of my role in the lives of others. I don't want to play any part in getting anyone else into as much trouble as I've gotten myself into over the last couple of years.
So the Goetic Grimoire is no longer for sale. To those who purchased it, I advise extreme caution. My methods might have gotten me hundreds of thousands of dollars, but I haven't got a penny to show for it. What I do have to show for it is a lot of stress, and physical scars.
And my heart was physically rotting in my chest.
At some point, even a Taurus has to see that maybe, just maybe evil spirits are bad to conjure, you know?
But still... NO REFUNDS. And the curse on uploading it to torrents still stands, pirate bitches.