Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Beast from the Sea

Revelations 13: 1-10
    1 And the dragon stood on the sand of the seashore.
    Then I saw a beast coming up out of the sea, having ten horns and seven heads, and on his horns were ten diadems, and on his heads were blasphemous names. 2 And the beast which I saw was like a leopard, and his feet were like those of a bear, and his mouth like the mouth of a lion. And the dragon gave him his power and his throne and great authority. 3 I saw one of his heads as if it had been slain, and his fatal wound was healed.
Ok? You see that, right? Verse 3. It's not just me.

Ok now I'll just say it: Gabrielle Giffords is walking around her hospital room two weeks after being shot, in the fucking brain. Ok?
      4 they worshiped the dragon because he gave his authority to the beast; and they worshiped the beast, saying, “Who is like the beast, and who is able to wage war with him?” 5 There was given to him a mouth speaking arrogant words and blasphemies, and authority to act for forty-two months was given to him. 6 And he opened his mouth in blasphemies against God, to blaspheme His name and His tabernacle, that is, those who dwell in heaven. 7 It was also given to him to make war with the saints and to overcome them, and authority over every tribe and people and tongue and nation was given to him. 8 All who dwell on the earth will worship him, everyone whose name has not been written from the foundation of the world in the book of life of the Lamb who has been slain. 9 If anyone has an ear, let him hear. 10 If anyone is destined for captivity, to captivity he goes; if anyone kills with the sword, with the sword he must be killed. Here is the perseverance and the faith of the saints. And the whole earth was amazed and followed after the beast;
So, the next big news will be that she can speak coherently and she's not severely brain damaged. She'll go on tours and the world will fall in love with her. Then she'll be President, and will be given power for 42 months.

Cause she's a head of the ANTICHRIST.

You just wait and see.


  1. A presidential term is 48 months. Why would Revelations be so selective? The Bush administration was an unmitigated disaster. That's not just hyperbolic liberal talk. It was a disaster. It came at the worst possible time and did more damage, on a world-wide scale, than any political event since world war two. Why isn't that in Revelations?

    OK, I admit, to paraphrase Goering, "Whenever someone says Revelations, I reach for my revolver."

    But, then again, I could be full of shit and you could be right.

  2. Way ahead of you, man. They run her as Vice President, and then six months into it, the President gets assassinated, or is otherwise rendered unfit to serve as president, and she gets promoted and serves only 42 months.

    We're in WWIII right now in Afghanistan. No one is calling it that, but I'm pretty sure it qualifies. Anything that gets the Canadian military involved counts as a World War, I think. Pretty sure that's the rule, eh?

    I think the Bush years, if we cast them in the Revelations narrative, could fit nicely into the activities around Chapter 6, when the Seven Seals are broken, and the four horsemen are released. Maybe horses one and two, conquest and war.

    Global famine is a real threat. Rice prices caused riots in the street a few years ago, and weather conditions are as bad as they were then for rice farmers.

    Duhn duhn DUUUUUHHHHNNNN!!!

  3. Are you sure that the 42 months stated in Revelations actually represent the same amount of time we consider months to be? the proper measurement of time has changed many times.

  4. @Anon: Who cares, dude? It's the END OF THE WORLD!!!! Conquest, War, Famine, Death!!! Locusts with stings like scorpions, and zombie lady presidents leading the world!

    :pant, pant, pant:

    This isn't accurate science here, it's predictpretation.

  5. Do I detect a tongue in that thar cheek, you rascal?

  6. *laughing*

    And here I thought Revelations was nothing more than a book of mad Middle Eastern poetry, possibly relating to the fall of Rome or something. Silly me! It WAS all about us all along!

  7. Since I have it on very good authority that the world actually ended in 2004 (what you expected you'd notice at the time?) your narrative actually fits quite nicely.

  8. OMG! That's scary! I plan on moving out of the U.S. anyway by the late 2012...if we survive the Mayan Calendar thingy!


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