Friday, May 01, 2009

Working Magicians

So when I started and the blog, I figured I'd get some odd requests, people looking for riches, love, power, revenge, you know, all the shit in the grimoires.

I've gotten my fair share of those things, mostly from people in Africa, South America, and the Phillipines, where people know what magicians are supposed to be able to do.

Some pet peeves I have managed to gain:

Make me 10X more Pow'rful!

"Will you just do magic to make me a powerful magician like I used to be when I was 16? Ever since I hit 27 and moved back home with my mom, it's been like the magic's gone."

NO! You do the Magic, you get the power. And what you had when you were 16? That was "sex appeal to 15 year old girls." That's all over now. Grow up.

What surprises me is how many people are like this. I'm picking on one dude, but really, he's not alone. People had this great role playing thing going on with their occulty friends in their teens, and everyone was a reincarnated astral warrior fighting demons. And nothing happened. And they couldn't figure out why. And now they want a real magician to make them back into their old characters. Grow the Eff Up.

Bossy Beggars

Please! I am on bended knee and contemplating suicide! Help your brother I am counting on you! Get me business in my store. Send your spirits to get me $10,000 by Friday. I sent you four emails yesterday telling you what I wanted, why haven't I gotten it yet? Waiting for your reply.

I understand when you're in a fix you need immediate attention. I understand that you think I'm sitting around doing nothing but waiting for opportunities to do magic for people. I know you think you're doing me a favor by giving me an opportunity to do magic for you for free. But I have three kids and a spouse who hasn't worked in 9 years. My father in law is going in for open heart surgery. I have a job I work at for 50 hours a week. I have a lawn to mow, cars to fix, and bills to pay. These things take time. My magic has been relegated to a part-time pursuit. When I have time for it, fixing your bad business decisions isn't that high on my list of things to do. Don't get snitty with me.

The Quaking Pseudo-Noob

Gee, Mr. Opus, I've been practicing for years, but I haven't got a blog and I'm not published, so even though I've conjured more spirits than you know exist, I'm still all nervous about talking to you.

This isn't a pet-peeve as much as it is a shock. I'm no expert. Every time I think I know more than I do, God provides people like Jason or Optimystic or someone like that to remind me of the depth of my ignorance. I tend to think I'm a Goetia expert because I've Worked with 18 spirits from the Lemegeton's Goetia. Then I meet people who have gone much deeper into their research and practice, and I find out that ok, I've worked more than most people, but I'm still a ways away from being an expert.

So if you're nervous about talking to me about something because you think I'm special, I'd just like to remind you that I'm not. I'm a magician like you.