Sometimes I look at myself, and I am filled with a sense of awe. It's a humbling thing, because in spite of how far I have to go before I get to my goals in this lifetime, I manage an incredible life. I talk to gods and angels. I channel forces that shape the world. I catch glimpses of the Holy Father, Pangenitor, thrustful Force and Source of us all, and its beautiful, and I am filled with awe.
Awe, that holy fear, that holy amazement, that holy holiness that overcomes you and leaves you just wanting to praise, to worship, to express a guttural and raw and powerful GRATIAS AGO! to the universe at large and the entity it represents.
Awe, that holy fear, that holy amazement, that holy holiness that overcomes you and leaves you just wanting to praise, to worship, to express a guttural and raw and powerful GRATIAS AGO! to the universe at large and the entity it represents.
Other times I look at myself and I'm filled with a sense of aww, as in, aww, shit. Aww, what the fuck. Aww, hell. Aww, really!?
Humans ... The passion and the pathos. Amazing, amazing, amazing ... and so pathetic at the same time.
Picture me pacing as I talk.
Look, you and I both get that the world is shit and that people suck. You and me both, we suck some times, we fuck up sometimes, and we have to deal with that shit. Regularly. I don't think you need any reminders of that anymore. I think you know the shit about you that sucks.
But what about the part of you that is made of pure and raw and unadulterated highly potent toxic-to-the-uninitiated win? Do you know that part? You know you're a god made flesh, right? You've read it a hundred different ways. Light in extension, emmanationism, the Divine Spark, the Neschemah, Namaste, Thou Art God, That of God in Every Man, it's everywhere, Deus-homo, created by the First Father in His Own Image, you are made of godstuff, it's your race, your source, your infinitely-great-grandad was god, and you're his kid.
I'm telling you you're a living god because you are, and you need to know it, to believe it in order to live it and benefit from it.
I'll pick different words because it seems to raise eyebrows among the wise, and hackles among the, uh, ... hackled.
You are a human being with the potential to create the universe that you experience. You can be the Monarch of your Kingdom. You have the authority to (at the very least) influence or (at the very most) directly control everything that manifests in your life.
I do it with Hermetics. Hermetics taught me that I'm awesome, even though I have aww shit moments. It provided me with the relationships with the entities that have taught me to rule my kingdom in a way that benefits me and all those within it. It taught me that with practice, I can get pretty good at this whole "Existence is pure joy" thing. It continues to teach me to focus more on the Awesome parts of life and less on the aww-some parts of life.
So here's the thing today: It's the new year. 2013. People are vehemently making resolutions, and other people are vehemently not making resolutions.
Personally, I resolve to be more awesome, epic, legendary, because I like that. It's fun. I enJOY it. The only thing I hope you resolve is to be more of the very best you can be for fun's sake. Give yourself a chance to be AWESOME. And quit worrying so much about the aww-some parts. You'll be pleasantly surprised.
So here's the thing today: It's the new year. 2013. People are vehemently making resolutions, and other people are vehemently not making resolutions.
Personally, I resolve to be more awesome, epic, legendary, because I like that. It's fun. I enJOY it. The only thing I hope you resolve is to be more of the very best you can be for fun's sake. Give yourself a chance to be AWESOME. And quit worrying so much about the aww-some parts. You'll be pleasantly surprised.
I really like the direction the last few posts have taken. I think it's been brave that you've opened up about the not so good parts of your life and how you've used that to fuel yourself into a better position and how other people can too.
ReplyDeleteI liked how you talked about your friend who was so. close. to changing his life and then . . .freaked. I've done that so much in my life. But having been through the flames too, it's made me faster, stronger, harder. 2012 was the first time I didn't flinch.
As Lana del Rey sings, "Nothing scares me anymore."
Hopefully we can have dinner together with you and your lovely lady in 2013!
You and Jason are on a roll with butter this morning! I am so inspired. Maybe this is/was the 2012 shift-- I keep hearing everyone saying today that they are just gonna let it do what it do!
ReplyDeleteYes, we are AWESOME, and the more we internalize that the less Aww-some days and moments we'll have.
#PowerForward and Happy New Year, RO!
I think 2013 is going to be totally awesome, at least in part because I've burned through so much dross and so much crap in 2012. And so it's easy to move forward, because I know what I want to manifest... and I have your course, and Jason Miller's, under my belt.
ReplyDeleteLike Deb, I think it's good that you're being open about what sucks in your life these days. I'd love for my school to have another 60-80 students... that's a hard thing to manifest, though I've been trying. It places stresses on the future of the institution, and my future career, that are never very far from my mind; and the fact that my work is supposed to be a centerpiece of that recruitment drive, even though it's not been very successful at that to date, is worrisome. On the other hand, although I don't know what's coming, I do know my race and value, and I have some very strong spirits on my side, and some good Internet coaches in you, Debs, and Jason and Gordon... it's nice to know there's a useful crew cheering me on, however virtually.
Moving forward into AUC (Anno Urbs Condita) 2765!