Sunday, January 13, 2013

The Guru Trip

Around the borders of the Tartarean abode flows a river, the waters of which completely erase memories. Lethe, this river is called, and here the wounds and ills of lifetimes are washed from the battered and bruised souls who seek its embrace.

I would give the secret of the Philosopher's Stone* for a culture-sized dose that I could administer to the entire Western occult audience. That's you, I'm talking about. I want to steal your memories, erase them, take them away entirely, unlearn ye wee bastards of anything and everything you've ever heard about enlightenment and being a guru, whether it's of Western or Eastern origin, focused on the Great Work, or Meditation, or Rajayoga, or Tantra, or whatever the motherfuck.

Because it's all bullshit. Total and complete bullshit.

Jason wrote a neat piece on States and Stages the other day, and as he says in his response to the Formspring question about my mental stability, we talk on the phone about shit fairly frequently. We had already had the State and Stage conversation, a couple times.

What bothers people about hearing "we are gods" or "I have accomplished the Great Work"?

You read through it, and it's all about the idea that someone is at an enlightened state, happy all the time, and life doesn't suck for them ever anymore.

It's that. That bothers people.

Because that can't be. That just can't be true. We know because we see it every day, right?

And 10,000 years of written history backs it up. The super advanced mystics of every culture on the planet have written what it's all about, and how to tell if someone's really got it, that is, GOT IT! And they talk about humility and knowing how much more there is to know, and never claiming any achievement, and never bragging about it.

I will tell you the truth, having crossed the alleged abyss**, having created the Stone***, having attained K&CHGA****, I can tell you the absolute truth, the TRVTH even:

Nobody is a guru! There are no enlightened masters. There is no Philosopher's Stone*****. Everything you ever learned about Hierophants is bullshit. Nobody knows shit. Nobody ever has. Plato, Aristotle, Hermes Thrice Great, Jesus Christ, Siddartha, they didn't know shit. They would be happy to tell you so in person, I swear to everything that pretends to be God!

Their protestations get drowned out, especially after they die. Living people get to say whatever the hell they want to about the teachings of the Masters when they're dead, when there's the temple/church/sanctuary fund to fill! And you believe it. Because it would be really awesome if someone were really perfect, wouldn't it!? If someone actually got it and made it out, enlightened, and fucking happy!? That would be awesome!

Just sayin'. Don't hate me. It's just time to cut the shit.

In real life, the Stone will not make you live an extra 312 years. Most recipes for the Stone will fucking kill you, like they did Regardie. He's a smart fella who is recent enough to check the facts and have a decent understanding.

Most of the Golden Dawn folks who founded the traditions we are so fond of today died of cancer. Because of the Abramelin rites on their bookshelves? Maaaaaayyyyybbbbbbeeeeeeee... Or maybe because they all smoked like fucking chimneys. The world may never know.

Actually, we do know. We know better. Because we have access to facts. Blavatsky was insane. Gurdjieff? Nuts. Rudolph Steiner? Batshit. Aleister Crowley? Ok, dude had his fucking moments, eh? I mean honestly. He rocked. Brilliant. Fucking honest as shit. Saw eternity. Put it into words. Made fun of you for not getting it. I love Aleister.

The rest of 'em, whether it's Hermes, Peter, Paul, Mahmoud or St. John of Patmos, or Hizzonah 007 John Dee himself.. They can all suck my metaphoric dick******! Especially that also-brilliant French bastard Levi. Call those the paths of the Tarot*******!? Shah, right!

In real life, no one is happy all the time. There are spiritual masters that walk the Earth with us who are super advanced, who radiate a force of god-ness that they have developed by eliminating the things that block them from being that in their daily lives. You stand in their presence, and you feel something cool.

They have bad days too, and they don't talk about how advanced they are because they know how far they have to go.

Rest comfy in that warm and fuzzy reality, boys and girls! Enlightened masters have lives that suck sometimes! Awesome!

Right?

Fuck all that. Here's some uncomfortable truth:

I have the power and experience to create a life that never sucks. And I will not do it.

Neither will my sweet lover, the brilliant and accomplished Harper. Or the incredible Jason Miller, though he can. Neither will Harold Roth, or Jack Flash. Or Deborah Castellano. Or her main man Jow, or her non-main-man Gordon. Andy won't do it, and neither will 4ndy, or Polyphanes, though he's cool as shit. The people I love the most won't do it, no matter how much they think they want to, because deep down, way deep down...

None of us are really ready to give it up. The passion, the drama, the awesomeness of existence with unknown consequence. Nobody wants to live a perfect life. Fucking boring as shit, that. We play for fun.

[Author's note: That above part is wrong somehow. Suffering is an indicator that you need to fix something. Suffering is not fun.We don't do it on purpose, even if we can appreciate its role in our lives. In my opinion, that would be a sickness that needs healing. Having an aesthetic appreciation for a thing is not the same as desiring its manifestation in your life. This part needs more thought. Proactive creation of a not-shitty life is, after all, sort of the whole fucking goal, so we can enjoy life.]

Sadness creates a more tender heart, not a tougher heart. Ask any romantic. We learn joy from sadness, and joy... that's what it's all about. We appreciate a job that lets us be ourselves after we've had jobs that did not. We appreciate lovers who love us for who we are instead of who they wish we were. We appreciate pain because it becomes the salt that makes the cookies sweeter. It makes our subjective standards about existence meaningful. It makes life fun.

I would take from you everything you know about the Guru Trip, if I could. Because it's bullshit. It gives us false expectations, all of us, whether we see ourselves as gurus or students. States and stages, it's all bullshit.When Mr. Grim comes calling, we're all honored, and ready for what comes next, deep down. And that... that's beautiful.

And, for the record, you're a living god, enjoying the shit you wade through. If you're not happy, change that shit... if you want to. It's totally your life, and you can hit the reset button any time, at the beginning or the end. The "chain of manifestation," that's just a gimmick, a method, a map, a tool that works. Use it or don't.

But have fun, no matter whether it seems like something a guru should enjoy or not. Because the guru trip... it's just a trip that gurus take, and non-gurus take.

If they want to.

Totally not necessary for life, and the enjoyment thereof********.

* It's not that big of a secret. There are a fuckton of free recipes for it at Adam Mclean's Alchemy Web Site. Get gold from ore. Make vermilion paint out of mercury sulfate (cinnabar). Extract the sulfur, mercury, and salt from a plant with grain alcohol, mix 'em together and have yourself a tincture. ffs.

** It's a myth, it's just thinking you know anything, skip that and you're fine. ffs.

*** And ground it into powder and made a tincture that I drink before doing heavy magical lifting that makes me a huge fucking magical Beast when I consume it. ffs.

**** K&C doesn't make you an enlightened master, it's the beginning of a relationship with the only MASTER you will EVAR NEED. You just don't get the punchline til the joke is over.  ffs.

***** There totally IS a Stone. I'm just making a point. Metaphorically. ffs.

******  Not Jesus though, because of the beard. Facial hair: total turnoff.  ffs.

******* Honestly, not bad, not bad. I got nothing better, fer sure.

******** For fuck's sake. (FFS)

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