Monday, February 23, 2009

An Apology

A while ago, I wrote a rant called What the Hell is Going On?

Since then, I've taken a second job. The way things work out, I'm working a lot more hours a week, but getting paid double what I was making before.

I also now have to drive to work every day. I have to go to an office with people in it. I sit in a cube again. I go to conference rooms filled with middle-level managers trying to understand how their teams integrate to produce a product. They aren't very good communicators. Smart folks, but ... stupid communicators. They don't know what other people need to be able to do their jobs. And I after long frustrating days filled with managing delays and ignorance, I get in a car and spend an hour with my foot on the brake the whole way home on the interstate.

It's stressful. It's distracting. I haven't done nearly as much magic as I used to. I used to be able to sit and research all day and practice all night, pretty much, and still have time for my family. Now, I spend ten hours a day doing really stupid shit, and then I'm exhausted when I get home and sleep for an hour or so, and then I'm still ruminating about the day's stupidity throughout the night. It sucks.

So, to all of you that I said, "Why is it that magicians don't do magic!?" in disgust, I apologize. It's because you're busy doing stupid shit. I understand now.

But the fact remains that it isn't necessary. Magic can get us out of this shit. We just have to figure out the means to accomplish it. So far my magic has gotten me better and better paying jobs. I'm making six figures now. The trouble is, I'm working too much to enjoy my life. That's not what I wanted. The lotto would be ideal, but there's a lot of stuff to take into account.

I conjured the Genius of the time/place of the MegaMillions drawing last Friday, and I couldn't make out the numbers he was telling me. Or maybe it's rigged, and they draw a bunch of numbers and only show the one that doesn't win so the jackpot gets bigger.

I did manage to hit one of the numbers drawn, which won me exactly nothing. I would have settled for five and "only" won $250,000. But when I was trying to get the numbers, the spirit faded in and out, and I couldn't still my mind enough to focus on what it was saying. The numbers I ended up with, apparently, came out of my own brain and wishful thinking, not from the spirit. Or maybe the spirit couldn't tell me because it doesn't work that way. I don't know.

Anyway, I'll be trying again tomorrow. I don't need a lot, just enough. What I really need is better spirit vision, which I used to have. Back when I spent every day conjuring spirits and working with them more than with people in stupid flesh suits. Feh. Now I'm all grumpy, just thinking about next week. I'm going to meditate.