Monday, February 02, 2009

Genius-Evil Daimon Names!

Give me your times and dates and locations, and I will give you the POWER to control your world!

Check this out:

Not that impressed? In three minutes or less, I can now generate the name of your Genius. It just doesn't get much better than that. Excel Wizardry. By the Power of Microsoft, and the Wisdom of Agrippa, I grant you your universe on a fucking platter.
What good is a Genius and Evil Genius Name, you ask? Well shit! Glad you asked! From the Greek Magical Papyri:
[...] he sends dreams, he brings women, men without the use of magical material, he kills, he destroys, he stirs up winds from the earth, he carries / gold, silver, bronze, and he gives them to you whenever the need arises.  And he frees from bonds a person chained in prison, he opens doors, he causes invisibility so that no one can see you at all, he is a bringer of fire, he brings water, wine, bread and [whatever] you wish in the way of foods:  olive oil, vinegar with the single exception of fish--and he will bring plenty of vegetables, / whatever kind you wish, but as for pork, you must not ever tell him to bring this at all!  And when you want to give a [dinner], tell him so. Conjure up in your mind any suitable room and order him to prepare it for a banquet quickly and without delay.  At once he will bestow chambers with golden ceilings, and you will see their walls covered with marble and you consider these things partly real / and partly just illusionary and costly wine, as is meet to cap a dinner splendidly.  He will quickly bring daimons, and for you he will adorn these servants with sashes.  These things he does quickly.  And [as soon as] you order [him] to perform a service, he will do so, and you will see him excelling in other things:  He stops ships and [again] / releases them, he stops very many evil [daimons], he checks wild beasts and will quickly break the teeth of fierce reptiles, he puts dogs to sleep and renders them voiceless. He changes into whatever form [of beast] you want:  one that flies, swims, a quadruped, a reptile.  He will carry you [into] the air, and again hurl you into the billows / of the sea's current and into the waves of the sea; he will quickly freeze rivers and seas and in such a way that you can run over them firmly, as you want.  And [especially] will he stop, if ever you wish it, the sea-runnning foam, and whenever you wish to bring down stars and whenever you wish to make [warm things] cold and cold things / warm, he will light lamps and extinguish them again.  And he will shake walls and [cause] them to blaze with fire; he will serve you suitably for [whatever] you have in mind, O [blessed] initiate of the sacred magic, and will accomplish it for you, this most powerful assistant, who is also the only lord of the air.  And the gods will agree to everything, for without him / nothing happens.
For anyone who's read the Book of Abramelin, this should be a no-fucking-shit moment of comprehension.

Quit making your HGA into a fucking guru that sits high upon a mountain top. Yeah, that's part of it... but shit, it can do a whole lot more.