So, following up on Monday's success, Tuesday night I conjured Kammael of Mars in a similar way to that performed with Gabriel Monday night. I spoke with him more, as I've been having anger management issues lately.
He explained what was going on, and again I "saw" an entity wrapped around me, a black evilness that had become attached. This time it wasn't as squid-like. It was more scorpionish, or insectoid. It didn't just let me go, either. Instead its appendages were burried in my symbolic flesh, and they were barbed. The weird thing was that they weren't like piercing me and causing harm as much as they were embedded in the flesh. My symbolic flesh in the vision had welcomed the evil spirit of self-righteous indignation, made room for it, and grown around the barbs in a way that they couldn't just be removed without causing damage.
Obviously I'm attached to my anger. I like it. Or at least I perceive that I like it. That's the trouble with this kind of Work, differentiating between the subjective reality and the subjective interpretation of the subjective reality.
This time it wasn't nearly as easy to release the evil thing. It is still with me, and I can sort of sense it at any given moment. It feels a lot like an addiction, like that ever-present anxiety you feel when you consider quitting something you're addicted to. Nicotine addicts will likely understand me better than most, but I'm sure a few pot heads who've had to face down their jones will grok what I'm talking about too.
IT's kind of a weird way to Work with this kind of thing. Usually, when I need help with an issue, the spirit just appears and then the issue is gone, as if by MAGIC. This is taking a bit more effort on my part. I'm thinking it's only taking more effort because I like the rush I get from anger. It's not the kind of thing I'm happy liking though, so it shouldn't be too hard to get over. A change of heart is in order, and that's a relatively simple thing to arrange with the powers that be.
But again, I found a lightening of my attitude as soon as I performed the rite. I found myself laughing and carrying on in ways I hadn't in a while.
Head for the Red: The ongoing adventures and insights of a magician's attempts to accomplish the Great Work.
I understand anger. I've always had a problem holding onto it and I've studied it and tried to force myself to retain it, but to no avail.
ReplyDeleteThis thing is something you should rid yourself of. Anger is bad for the body and even as I type this, I can feel some spirits trying to confuse my fingers and make me type other words. But, I've done a banishment and they're gone.
There is nothing wrong with self-righteousness, if you want to be about your abilities. But, don't be angry about it. Anger clouds your ability to think. You can try to force yourself to focus more, but that causes great strain.
I would recommend 1 of 2 things. Either rip the thing from you. I have done this more than once with things that have attached to me and even with qualities and states of being that are not wanted. I give them a visual representation and yank it out.
Every time I have ripped them out, I see my aura rip, as if it was flesh ripped, but I visualize it healing back up immediately.
The other option is destruction of this thing, part by part. You start by dissolving each barb themselves, visualizing holes being left in your symbolic flesh. See the appendages dissolve or whatever else it has and reduce it through force of will to one blob of undivided mass. Think a stem cell or melted silly putty.
Then, you call up raphael and tell him you want this taken from you and given to someone else that needs it, someone not in your life. Visualize the holes closing up in your symbolic flesh and do your choice of healing.
If I had something with barbs sticking in me, it'd make my skin crawl and reading what's in you now is making my skin crawl.
You are getting into deeper and more profound work my man. It wont come as quick, but you are moving mountains.
ReplyDeleteI said it this weekend, it is WAY harder to cause change in your mind of the minds of others than it is to cause exterior events.
Good stuff.
It is not about magic, but it talks about the inner daemon :-)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/453
I thought that maybe you would like
I agree with Jason. You seem to move to deeper, perhaps one could say even more profound, vistas.
ReplyDeleteBardon talks about beings like that in his IIH, termed Larvae, I believe. Astral entities that feed off of one emotion or another. They hook into you and NomNomNom away.
ReplyDeleteAnd then they make you feel that emotion again when they are hungry again, and as they get bigger they get hungrier..
You were right to call it an addiction. It's a symbiotic addiction that turns more parasitic as it reaching diminishing returns for both parties involved.
You can either remove it from you, and do some work with Solar and Jupitarian energies to heal up the holes and balance the personality. Gordon's suggestion can also work, but those methods also wont keep it from comming back.
You can starve it, by being conscious of your emotions and chooseing to simply or not so simply not be angry. It's easier to do once you are conscious that many times that rush of anger isn't YOUR anger, it's provoked anger by your local hungry parasite.
You can ask someone else to remove it for you.
Or you can do more work with Mars. You are a dude that tends to get things done. Parenting, spirit boxes and bottles, long drives, you get shit done, just like Mars.
Mars can manifest as anger, but that is kind of a distorted manifestation. Anger tends to happen when the Martian influence to bring change, order, and discapline is frustrated by something. You can work on overcomming that anger by finding what needs to be changed, and change it, instead of being angry about it. And if you can't change it, you can at least do what you can to set up a pattern for change in the future. This also sets up a new pattern of behavior for you, and decreses the likely hood that this will happen again.
Anger can give us streangth, but often it blots out Mercy, Compassion, Good Sense, Joy, and all of those things that make us good, whole people, if you hang on to it long enough.