Friday, April 17, 2009

More Magitude

So, following up on Monday's success, Tuesday night I conjured Kammael of Mars in a similar way to that performed with Gabriel Monday night. I spoke with him more, as I've been having anger management issues lately.

He explained what was going on, and again I "saw" an entity wrapped around me, a black evilness that had become attached. This time it wasn't as squid-like. It was more scorpionish, or insectoid. It didn't just let me go, either. Instead its appendages were burried in my symbolic flesh, and they were barbed. The weird thing was that they weren't like piercing me and causing harm as much as they were embedded in the flesh. My symbolic flesh in the vision had welcomed the evil spirit of self-righteous indignation, made room for it, and grown around the barbs in a way that they couldn't just be removed without causing damage.

Obviously I'm attached to my anger. I like it. Or at least I perceive that I like it. That's the trouble with this kind of Work, differentiating between the subjective reality and the subjective interpretation of the subjective reality.

This time it wasn't nearly as easy to release the evil thing. It is still with me, and I can sort of sense it at any given moment. It feels a lot like an addiction, like that ever-present anxiety you feel when you consider quitting something you're addicted to. Nicotine addicts will likely understand me better than most, but I'm sure a few pot heads who've had to face down their jones will grok what I'm talking about too.

IT's kind of a weird way to Work with this kind of thing. Usually, when I need help with an issue, the spirit just appears and then the issue is gone, as if by MAGIC. This is taking a bit more effort on my part. I'm thinking it's only taking more effort because I like the rush I get from anger. It's not the kind of thing I'm happy liking though, so it shouldn't be too hard to get over. A change of heart is in order, and that's a relatively simple thing to arrange with the powers that be.

But again, I found a lightening of my attitude as soon as I performed the rite. I found myself laughing and carrying on in ways I hadn't in a while.