Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Brain Dead

I can tell my stress levels are increasing because my brain isn't working right anymore. I can't write, I can't focus, and my meditations are annoyingly interrupted by thoughts of television and work. Television shows I have no interest in, even. Work issues that aren't even issues. It's weird how the brain deals with shit.

Even though the spiritual exercises I've been doing help, I'm still waking up feeling like I'm stuffed in cotton. The things I write seem dead. I've had three or four posts I've tried to write that just come out sounding like shit. Total shit.

The most annoying part is that I'm aware of the problem, I've taken steps to alleviate it, but I'm still feeling fuct in the head. It's like being smart enough to know you're not as smart as someone else, only the someone else is you yourself. Not that I'm all that bright most days, but still. I'm only partially functioning. It sucks.

I probably need more vitamins. Since moving into the hotel, my favorite food has been delicious chicken alfredo from this little delivery joint around the corner from the hotel. Man, damned good food, and it's all comforting and starchy. There just isn't a lot of Vitamin B in the pasta, cream, or butter they use to make it.

Delicious butter. Mmmmm.

I'm going through the whole mental process of dealing with the fire. It's a lot like the stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, the whole Kubler-Ross model. Being a magician makes it easier, I think, but I still go through the phases. It's weird how they hit about different aspects of my life throughout the day. I find myself in denial about some things, bargaining about others, depressed about some, and accepting about still other aspects of it.

Anyone pick up interesting dietary suggestions to help deal with "any form of catastrophic personal loss"? Or anything else that would help get me past this crap? Especially the brain-dead feeling that seems worse today than usual.

Please post 'em in the comments, yo! My brain NEEDS you!
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