Wednesday, January 13, 2010

On Goety: In retrospect, things could have been better planned

I've been avoiding talking about this, and it's probably time to bite the bullet.

After the fire, I started getting checks in the amounts that I have been requested from Bune. My weekly rites to Bune for wealth seem to have worked out really well, if the only results that matter are the dollar amounts. Unfortunately, the results included things I hadn't thought about.

From one point of view, it's experience that brings the same old lesson I've been learning for years: be specific when you do magic. I could keep doing Goety and remember to always say, "may no one be physically, mentally, or spiritually damaged as you bring about the results I desire, and let no harm or catastrophic event like MY HOUSE BURNING DOWN occur." But that's not really going to fix much.

The fire is an event that led me to take spiritual inventory. Bune's been great at getting me money, and I have no complaints about his effectiveness in getting cash. He definitely brings riches to a man. But it's been consistently temporary, consistently accompanied by pain and stress. Right now, I'm thinking that there's a time and place for Goety, but maybe it shouldn't be my primary focus. In the Modern Goetic Grimoire, I talk a lot about going through the spheres and getting intiiations so that we're empowered to do the Goetic magic effectively, but I think I should have been focusing on more than just the personal empowerment. It was irresponsible.

I mean, why do I always need a lot of cash windfalls? Because I don't save or spend wisely. Maybe I should be focusing on the root problem instead of putting in requests for massive amounts of cash that have to come through extraordinary events. I mean, really, in your every-day life, how many ways are there for $5,000 to just appear?

I didn't do one of the most important things I tell others to do: PLAN. Jason talks about it in Sorcerer's Secrets or on his blog STRATEGIC Sorcery, that you really need to create a plan for the spirits to work through in order for it to materialize. He talks about how you can't do a rite to get laid and then sit there on your computer, not shower, never go where women are, and expect the spirits to bring a woman knocking on your door asking for sex. The same applies to all magic. I asked for money, didn't specify how it should come, and the spirits allowed something terrible to happen that resulted in the money coming in.

What a drag. Everything I've said about how spirits work is true. I really can manifest a lot of money using them. But without strategy, without a plan, there's no telling how it's going to come. It's just plain dangerous to do Goety, or any other kind of magic without fore-thought.

So my magic in the present and foreseeable future isn't going to include Goety, or much interaction with the spirits closest to the material plane. Instead, I'm going back to the Work of changing my self, fine tuning my planning abilities, focusing on changing bad behavioral patterns, and developing the heart and mind to accomplish my goals.

You know how embarrassing this is? I mean, really, I think pretty highly of myself as a magician. To fall into this trap, the very thing I've warned about is just humiliating.Worse than that, my family is suffering because I fucked up. I've got more money in the bank right now than I've had in years. Big deal. I failed to proactively assess potential methods to manifest the cash, I failed to do any divination, and I failed to keep my family safe. Yes, we all got out alive, and as everyone tells me, "That's the most important thing."

It's true, things could be much worse, and I'm sure my magic to protect my family mitigated some of the worst possible effects.

But that doesn't keep my son from getting weird looks at the Scout meeting when he has to tell everyone what happened. He doesn't say, "My dad needed money, so he did magic, and Bune burned down the house and we're all fine, but we lost our HOME for 3-6 months." He doesn't say, "My dad was too lazy to clean out the furnace room even though Mom told him to a week before the fire." He doesn't even say, "My dad was too ignorant to perform the maintenance on the the furnace and water heater that would have revealed the problems that resulted in the fire." He just tells it like it is from his point of view, "My house caught on fire, and we're safe, and my cat's safe, and now we live in a hotel."

But I know. I know I failed to protect my family from the trauma we're going through. I failed as a husband and father. I failed as a magician. I failed as a man.

It's not the end of my life or anything. It's an eye-opener, and it's definitely given me a reality check. I'm "powerful," but clumsy. I'm experienced, but lazy. I'm wise, but irresponsible. I am NOT a complete failure, but I recognize that in this instance, I failed.

So I'm addressing that failure magically. I'm owning it, because it's mine. I earned it. I'm not condemning myself or thinking I can never amount to anything more than a man who failed in so many ways, but I've got to be honest about it, honest with myself, and make the changes that have to be made.

So over on the follower's list, I've gotten rid of the appeal to Bune. I'm hesitant now about making a blind evocation of Goetic powers. I'm not "blessing" people using Goetic Spirits any more. I've gained a respect for the powers I play with that I was lacking before.

Now, I know I may seem like I'm beating myself up in this post. Please, rest assured that I still think pretty highly of myself. I'm damned awesome, an asset to anyone's circle of friends, and I'm pretty cool too. I'm publicly owning up to mistakes I made because this blog is primarily about the Great Work, and this is some shit that I have to go through in the process.

17 comments:

  1. I applaud your ability to learn from your life's experiences...and to post them to the community so that others may also learn from them. This is a quality not often seen in a magician. Much respect!

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  2. I'm publicly owning up to mistakes I made because this blog is primarily about the Great Work

    And this is why I like reading your blog.

    A real man can say he made a mistake, and correct it. Good on you!

    "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them."

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  3. I have to say that I believe it takes one hell of a man to be willing to not only admit that you made a mistake, but to take the steps to ensure that those mistakes won't happen in the future. I think that your open and honest explanation of your experiences will help anyone who comes across it not fall into those same traps that you've encountered. Thank you for being open and honest about things, even when it isn't all "sunshine and rainbows."

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  4. I know its easy to blame the "evil Demon" but did you ever think that maybe that angel of Jupiter had something to do with it too. I mean, angels, you can't actually control them or tell them what to do, you know. The angel of Jupiter probably thought, hey, solve this little "problem" once and for all, so hey, it doesn't matter what you told Bune, because you had the big angel involved.

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  5. Halfway through this post I was set to tell you to ease up on yourself, that no-one's perfect and we all do the things that lead to the fire (like not religiously maintaining the furnance) but it became clear you're using the experience as a catalyst to create psitive spiritual change and therefore it's really not my place to pass judgement, I guess all I can say is failure or no, you get Kuds from me on how you're handling it.

    Oh and on the removal of the Bune request, fair-dos really, but I guess I'll have to change my icon to something that's not Bune's seal.

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  6. If we are approaching magic scientifically, as most of us try to, your record is a priceless piece of data. To echo the previous commenter, much respect!

    And best wishes.

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  7. This was a phenominal post my friend. Very insightful, and true. Goety is good for short term contracts with very precise terms.

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  8. That post was made by a magician! In the future, you'll by proud of that post, not embarrassed.

    We've all messed up with magick at some point. Those that do the great work learn, eventually. Those that are just doing magick, return to their own vomit time and time again, never learning, never growing.

    Be well my friend.

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  9. One more thing: dont be so hard on yourself. This kind of shit happens.

    Didnt plan goetia well: happens to just about everybody that has ever used it seriously, at least once. Not often in such catastrophic ways, but it happens.

    Didnt listen to your wife when she told you to clean the furnace room? You are a man. Every husband in the world has not listened to their wife when in retrospect they should have. Its just hard to tell the real important stuff amidst all the "blah blah blah..." :-)

    Did'nt get the regular maintenance? You and 99% of everyone else.

    Basically, it was a disaster, you are ok and your kids are ok and you have insurance. If there was not some kind of needed realization from this, your angel would have warned you.

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  10. Hi Frater RO.

    I've read the account of your predicament and how you now feel about yourself. When it comes to working with Goetics please bare in mind that they are quite real. There is a belief in 'pop occulture' that they are just a subconscious aspect of the summoner. This idea is partially true and partially a lie-lol. Their egregore can certainly provoke many subconscious aspects to appear and manifest.You seem to have passed the test presented! So do not berate yourself. The Goetics have a certain egegore. This in itself will challenge the summoner and holds the key to successful contact and work.
    Just my thoughts....not sure why I felt compelled to write them...hope they might help!

    Peace brother and I hope that things get better for you and your family.

    LVX

    IRH

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  11. It takes a big person to admit when they screwed up. It shows wisdom. Honestly, most people, including myself would have blamed Bune whole cloth and not had a second thought, or tossed it up to mundane coincidence.

    So long as you dont beat yourself with the blame stick too hard. Recognizing where you may have erred, making amends, changing your life, and doing your best so that doesn't happen again are the important parts. Self blame and self flagellation can become a personal hobby if you dont watch it.

    In Arabian sorcery the spirits of the Goetia are considered underworld Djinn, the kind everybody and their mom thinks they want as pets and servants. Hubris is the name of the game there, and it usually doesnt end well. But many of the sorcerers not only are not planning, they have an attitude that these beings SHOULD be their slaves, in fact it is their role in creation to be so, thus treat them very sub humanly.

    You never did crap like that. Which also says a lot of your charecter.

    Trust me, we all do stupid shit when we let our ability outstrip our common sense. If we ever hang out in person, remind me to tell you the story of when I decided it would be a good idea to summon the angel of death on samhain. It's a hoot! Well, it's a hoot now that it's a a nearly decade old memory ;)

    The point is, you are wiser now. And you know not to do things quite that way again. I dont think that the Goetic spirits are evil, I just think they are really close to the material, which endows them, with a different temperment than angels.

    The Upperworld tends to work through revelation.

    The Middle world tends to work through coincedence and hard work.

    The Lower world tends to work through trial. Any beings of the Divine Cthonic as Jason puts it can harrow a body like there is no tomorrow. I remember comming across a mantra to Kali Ma that was said to bring spiritual enlightenment by the fastest possible means. It came with a disclaimer: Be sure you really really want this.

    Because they dont make it pleasant.

    Please remember to work with them when you do decide to again, with compassion, and work with yourself with compassion. If this didn't happen to you, if it happened to a student of yours, what would you say to them? What would you do for them or help them to do for themself? I think that might be a good place to start..

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  12. Thanks, everyone, for the comments. Especially all the compliments about how cool I am, it shows you have fine taste in magicians. ;)

    IRH, yeah, one of the main things I try to get across to people is the reality of all the spirits. I loathe the psychological model. It sucks all the power and fun out of magic, imo.

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  13. Heyya RO I actually was satisfied with my ordering except I did notice Bune taking energetic liberties... Firstly I am very energetically sensitive.

    But when I did get it to direct its energies in a way that I liked it too it came through and really brought some of the things I needed to do home to me as well as provided me opportunities. I would like it better if it was more event focused rather than trying to tweak in me too much I like my personal space man. :)

    You might want to consider charging for evocations, on a person to person type of basis so you can give it the attention it deserves and also tweak the price etc.

    I would pay because I definitively know that you contacted the spirit etc.

    Frater EST
    C IAO

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  14. I would like it better if it was more event focused rather than trying to tweak in me too much I like my personal space man. :)

    I don't mind that goetics like to tweak me. I know my thinking was pretty messed up in that it was a big part of the reasons I had to summon them in the first place.

    What I am amazed is how they seem to also effect other people and outside events. I had doubts about them effecting me, let alone anyone else.

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  15. Just wondering:

    Considering some of the things you've said to me in back-channel correspondence, and the things you say in the books you've published to date, are your books in for a major rewrite, or are you just going to tack on a post-fire preface?

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Thanks for your comments, your opinions are valued, even if I disagree with them. Please feel free to criticize my ideas and arguments, question my observations, and push back if you disagree.