Man, magic is supposed to be fun. I don't know how people forgot that, but while this whole Great Work thing is important and serious business and all, we're doing it because we want to have more fun. We want the things that we think will bring more fun into our lives, more pleasure, to be better, live better, feel better, and thrive. Magic is about achieving the awesome and feeling good about it.
Recent posts by Kenaz Filan have been fascinating to me. In my fundie Christian days, we used to go on and on about how the shit of life was really just trials from God, opportunities to be melted down, refined, and reforged as something special in the Kingdom of Heaven. And let me tell you, if you think Evangelical Christians make life hard for Pagans and other non-Christians, they make life even harder on themselves. In worse ways. Their kids are born deformed because they have this "have moar babiez" doctrine in the Evangelical community these days, and women in their forties are having babies long after their zygotes have been corrupted by time on planet Earth. They have to look at their deformed children and give thanks to God for them.
And mean it.
Kenaz and Krasskova discuss a similar mindset, but from a Pagan point of view. A friend and I were talking about it, and his comment was, "If your spirituality regularly fucks up your life, you're doing it wrong." I completely agree. But at the same time I completely understand the reticence to recognize that your spirituality is fucking up your life. It's supposed to be fun, it's supposed to lead to good changes, and the suffering is surprising, but you justify it because you want to believe what you're doing is right and good for you, regardless of the obvious pain and stress and emotional, mental, and physical illnesses it's creating in your life. You don't want to be wrong, and people keep telling you the rewards are great if you keep pressing on. Or you tell yourself.
And see, sometimes in the Great Work, it's true, the suffering can sometimes lead to something powerful and spiritual, it can release something absolutely wonderful that you really need to finish the Work. Attaining the Supernatural Assistant can be a bitch, for example. But it's not supposed to be that way all the time. If it's lasting more than a season of the year, and it's become regular and consistent, there's something seriously wrong.
My foray into Goetia was like that. I kept on suffering, and kept on justifying it, mostly because I wanted to be right, but also mostly because I wanted to be right. You know, right as in "I'm always right," and right as in, "These spirits really CAN bring you a million dollars in cash overnight while you're sleeping and they won't fuck up your life, I mean it!" I wanted the be so freaking right about that.
But I wasn't. For four motherfucking years. Two years longer than I made it in fundy church. It wasn't nearly as bad, though, fundy church is a lot of hell right away in doses that are far stronger than what you need to just plain kill you. Goetia was slower and more subtle. It never looked like it was fucking up your life from up close. Perspective matters.
And I'd lost that. But I got it back, and man, seriously, if your spirituality is fucking up your life all the time, and it's lasting longer than three months, you need to either kick your magic up a few notches and blow that shit out of the water already, or change your approach. If it's a blocked chakra that needs to be cleansed out because it's tormenting your life, then raise the kundalini and blow it out. Lance the boil that's oozing puss into your bloodstream already. If the shit stirred up during an attempt to commune with the Holy Guardian Angel is taking that long to incinerate, turn up the heat. More enflamed prayer from the Moon. Call that Solar Flame down already.
Because it ain't supposed to hurt that bad that long.
If it's not that, if there's no major spiritual goal you're working on, then seriously, reassess your approach. Is your God regularly kicking your ass? That's an abuser, baby. What kind of example are you setting for your kids? You want them to grow up thinking it's ok if God hits mommy when he's drunk, cause he pays the rent on the trailer lot almost every month?
FUCK. THAT. SHIT.
Knock that aluminum can of budweiser out of his hand, turn off the game, and kick him out. You need cops or a big brother to back you up? Call on Michael the Archangel, or better yet, the LOGOS. He don't put up with no shit out of any spirit that wants to play god and beat on women. I guarantee.