Heh, I went to type in the blog post, and apparently I've had a different apology I offered before.
Anyway, I'm sorry Josephus. I totally over-reacted. I don't think you advocate abusing children. I think literally interpreting scripture is dangerous, and I place the rod and child thing in the huge bucket of scripture labeled "allegory." But that's beside the point.
The point is it was 3:00 in the morning my time, my wife has an ear infection causing her vertigo, and I have had to be two parents instead of one, while nursing someone who isn't even able to walk to the bathroom without throwing up because of the nausea. I had published your comment and my rebuttal after walking her back to bed. Stopping to check email at 3:00 am isn't a wise choice.
I'm tempted, sorely tempted, to delete the thing and pretend it never happened. But this blog is supposed to be about the things that I go through in my attempts to accomplish the Great Work, and this qualifies as being part of that. Much as I hate the whole self-help focus of the occult, there is an aspect of personal growth in the Work that deals with the impulses of the Nephesh.
Scribbler asked if this was related to the recent Goetia Work. It might be. I suspected my wife's illness may even have been part of that, as it came the day I finished uploading the images into my grimoire file. But divinations indicate that's not the problem, and I went to the Spirits themselves and specifically ensured their influence wasn't directed in any way that might result in further outbursts, illness, or anything like that.
I think it was just me reacting badly to stress. I tend to do less magic when I'm stressed, and it usually results in more stress. Consistent Sphere work, performing at least weekly visits to each of the planetary realms and speaking with the Intelligences thereof tends to lead to periods of peace, strength, and wisdom. I get caught up in it and stop the Work, and then things fall apart.
So no, I don't think it was my Goetia Work that brought this on as much as it was my inconsistency in Practice.
Head for the Red: The ongoing adventures and insights of a magician's attempts to accomplish the Great Work.
I personally grabbed the cat by the tail on that one RO.
ReplyDeleteI totally misread that post assuming that the angry outburst was in fact written by Josephus in response to what you had written in the "trapped" post.
Good for you for keeping it up as a record.
I myself have a rather nasty temper and I come across all sweet and nice until someone hits the right button and then I become real unpleasant, mean even, and it always shocks the crap out of people.
Perhaps more so because the rest of the time I come across as being harmless. But you know what, whatever - we do our best.
Hey, No problem.
ReplyDeleteI was just shocked by your reaction. Perhaps I didn't explain myself well enough when I made that comment. I'm afraid my communication skills arent that great.
I'm also guilty of saying stuff that I later regret, because I was stressed or sick or whatever, so I understand where your coming from.
I hope everything is better, and healthier, at home.
Regards
Josephus