Friday, October 07, 2011

Haven't felt evil in a while

You know what? I haven't felt evil in a long ass time.

I used to get all seething angry about shit in my life. Regularly. I hated some things. I mean, hated. I had a hate garden in the astral realm where I would plant seeds of hate and nurture them into evil malignant multi-tendriled things.

I used to get so angry at people. Lon Milo DuQuette, for instance. I hated that motherfucker after he posted a video of that stupid Christmas song where he kicks Christianity to the dirt and rubs its face in broken shards of glass. I hated him for that for a long time, until one day I was reading Konx Om Pax and saw, "Hush, it is the salvation of the world," and it all made sense. I still didn't like that it was done, but I get it.

And that's what it's been like in a lot of ways. Moloch recently banned Jake Stratton-Kent from the Evocational Magic yahoo group, and I figured if Jake got banned, it was only a matter of time before I was too. So I left. And Moloch sent me an email offlist asking if I left because of that, and I was like, yeah. That's all, just "Yeah." Not too long ago, there would have been angry words, imprecations, and possibly an all-out magical war... but over what? A disagreement? Fuck that shit. I've got a world to create and maintain, I'm not going to waste my time on fighting over bullshit. Moloch doesn't like Jake's tone or something, I don't know, but I like it a lot and I know I'm going to be getting more Jake-like in the next few months, so I proactively addressed it and moved on.

Shit happens. Shit that I don't like. But I don't have to fight about it anymore, and I don't have to hate anything. Things I don't like I can just get rid of, or change to something I do like.

I stopped hating when I started being a real magician. Traffic issues? Mercury solutions. Money problems? Mercury/Jupiter solutions. Magical attacks? Solar-Mars-Saturn solutions. Family problems? Venus solutions. Feeling stuck and unable to do anything good? HGA solutions.

I still get mad. I still get annoyed. But it's not so bad, really. It's temporary bullshit. I don't have to retreat to my perspective from eternity to make it through the worst of life, knowing that it's all a blink in the cosmic eye when you really get down to brass tacks. I just deal with it.

It comes from doing the magic. Conjuring the spirits, getting initiated, integrating the forces, and then using them. Use magic for everything, not just once in a while on the big things. If you don't use it often, you're not going to be very good at it. If you use it for the little things, you'll be that much better at it when you have something to do on a large scale. And chances are, if you're magicing the little things, you won't have the big things that need a big magical reaction, you'll already have built the momentum up to make you an unstoppable force.