Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Back to Business

With things settling into place and a sense of normalcy returning to my sphere, I find I have a lot more time on my hands than I used to. I have found that idle hands are, indeed, the devil's playground, and so I've put my hands to producing some positive manifestations rather than leaving them to find mischief.

And yes, that happened after they had gotten themselves into mischief. Fun mischief, effective mischief, but ultimately just mischief that led nowhere I wanted to be.

So Back to Business.

First Order of Business: Hermetic Retreat

When my ex and I separated, it was a pretty big shock to my system. While I had dreamed of getting a divorce for years, I never did because I believed I had a responsibility to be the husband and father of the family I brought into the world. And I did love my ex. I just couldn't stand her. I've got issues, she's got issues, and our issues are incompatible. They bring out the worst in both of us. We knew divorce was inevitable, but I thought we had a couple years left.

But I had planned for it. It came ahead of schedule before I was ready to implement the plan, and now the plans have to be adapted for less-than-ideal circumstances. I have to do things now that I wasn't going to start for another year, and I'm honestly not ready. I haven't been doing a lot of magic lately, and the plan requires me to be at peak operating capacity. I'm out of shape.

So the first thing I did was a Hermetic Retreat. For seven days I conjured the Archangels and Inteligences and Spirits of the Planets at dawn, meditated and contemplated the planetary symbols, and immersed myself in the powers of their spheres. It was like going on a planetary spa day.

I started on a Sunday and finished last Saturday. By the end of that cycle, I was feeling a lot better, much more myself than I have felt in months. I focus a lot on the practical aspects of the magic I do on the blog, but I don't really talk a lot about the mental and spiritual effects of regular practice. I figure there are plenty of blogs out there that do, and I think they encourage people to think about and feel about magic instead of doing magic.

But the peace and power and mental stability that come from regular, balanced practice is the best and most practical magical effect you can ever ask for. The Hermetic Retreat went a long way to restoring me. I'm not where I need to be yet, but I'm able to get there as a result of the refreshing streams pouring through my sphere.

I've continued to conjure the Archangels, Intelligences, and Spirits of the planets this week. Last week was a passive approach, relaxing, refreshing, cleansing, but this week I'm going into more active strength training exercises. It's more of a Hermetic Workout than a Hermetic Retreat now. Opening chakras, directing the forces as they manifest through me into my sphere. There are still things I can't do that I used to be able to do, no problem. It's kind of frustrating.

I thought about just doing a Reclaiming Rite, taking back the power and authority I had before. I've done them before and had really good results, but things were more ... stable. I'm not consistently stable enough to handle it without it burning me yet. Major changes in a person's life brings the Spiritus, the part of the soul responsible for survival to the foreground. It's emotional and passionate, and mine is very angry.

So I'm Working out the old fashioned way instead, rebuilding the muscles gradually. As I do so, the Spiritus is backing down to its more neutral state, and the Animus is much more engaged. My brain is also physiologically adapting to the change in my circumstances, and the chemicals flowing are becoming more regular and regulated. Returning to the familiar neuropathways that developed when I went through my initiations over the years has helped restore a sense of normalcy to my life. The urge to smash recedes.

I don't know how long this phase will last. I had planned on being well into the Eighth Sphere Work before having any of this shit go down, and I'm not ready yet to even start heading there to pick up the trail of Azoth consciousness. I feel like a lawn mower that's getting started after spending the winter and most of early Spring in the garage.