Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Taking Steps to Rectify

Ok, so I've been lax in my magical practice lately. "Work," the mundane kind, sort of overwhelmed me. I suppose I'll be more compassionate towards those who work for a living in the future.

I took a quick inventory of the things that are overwhelming me lately, the things that are taking up too much of my time and leaving me too stressed out to do any magic. Shockingly, the number of things that are "overwhelming" turned out to be really small. Seeing them written down in the quadrants of my life's focus helped to put things into perspective.

I've basically got four fundamental aspects of my life causing me grief. They are, in no particular order of importance:
  • Finances: I'm making a decent income, and I should be meeting my bills, but poor stewardship of my finances has left me a freakin' wage slave.
  • Family Health Issues: My immediate family suffers from chronic illness. There's not much I can do about it that I haven't done before. I've done magic, and the effects have been short-lived.
  • Occupational Stress part 1: My job has been a major pain in the ass lately. Our projects are all coming due, and no one at my company follows their own processes. I was hired to make sure the IT projects are managed by the company's standards. The company's employees don't want to follow the standards. My department, the Project Management Office, is "graded" on how well we get the employees to follow the standards. We're all contractors. They're not. We get the blame if they don't follow the rules. Duh. They aren't stupid.
  • Occupational Stress part 2: My boss is literally a micro-manager. He's about 4'11" tall in heeled shoes. He looks like a shaved garden gnome. Without the red hat. And he asks for things like 15-minute checkpoint calls to see that we are doing what needs to be done. Which we can't do because the employees (they specifically refer to full-time employees as "real people" as opposed to contractors; no lie) refuse to follow the process. My wife went into the hospital, and my boss's comment was, "Make sure your time sheet reflects that you're leaving early, and put it in your status report too." Fucker.
That's it. Four things are stressing me out to the point of non-magical practice. None of the things are that major, really. Chronic illness is something lots of people deal with. A simple chore schedule addresses that problem. Finance issues were dealt with by (gasp) writing up a budget. Took one hour, maybe, if that to figure out debt to income ratios and identify the things that can be cut back to make things work nicely.

The Occupational Stressors were a little more difficult to deal with. There's really nothing I can do to make the employees at my company provide me with the information I need to do my job and do it right. Faced with this, I attempted to find another job that paid as well. No dice. The economy really is bad right now. Usually a month after posting my resume, I'm starting my new job. This time, it's been 6 weeks and I haven't even had an interview. Granted, the last few positions I landed I used magic, and I haven't had the attention span to do a decent ritual with all the nebulous stress going on. Addressing the other two items frees up time for a ritual (Hey RO: Light the fucking candle and say the prayer, dumbass).

The boss, well, he's a bit of a touchy subject. With the dearth of job offers landing at my feet, I figure I'm stuck with him at least through the end of July, and that means making him happy enough to leave me alone. I could do that by filling out detailed status reports (spent 15 minutes reviewing email, 5 minutes composing responses, 20 minutes implementing action items, 32 minutes informing team members of implemented action items, ad nauseum)...

Or I could just sic a demon on him.

Focalor is tempting. Kill the bastard, weeping sores, dead in three days. Hell yeah! I mean.... No. Punishment doesn't fit the crime. He's got a wife and son who suffer enough with him in their lives, neither can support themselves, and him dying would just fuck shit up royally in their lives. And really, he knows he's an asshole, jokes about it, and tries not to be, but just can't help it. I sort of have compassion for him. He knows how bad it is, and has to protect his income by justifying his ongoing employment, so he hounds his three support contractors to generate detailed status reports to show how much value we add to the project. Considering the fact that we can't do what we're paid to do because the employees will throw logs in front of their feet to trip themselves up, I know eventually these status reports will bite him in the balls.

So anyway, I feel for him. It's not his fault he's 4'11". Focalor is a bit too much. If I sent a demon to kill everyone who annoyed me, the earth would be pretty lonely. Assuming God would even allow that shit.

So I picked Eligos. This Duke of the Goetia is designed to win favor of people in high places. Today I took my pentagonal seal of Solomon and the seal of Eligos engraved in copper to work with me. Mostly to introduce Eligos to the boss and the environment. The actual ritual hasn't been performed yet, but it's in the works.

Overall, the most important thing I've learned from all of this is how easy it is to slip into the concerns of the world we live in. Money... it's not that important. Whether the people at work do their jobs or not shouldn't stress me out; I just need to do my job to the best of my abilities, and make it look like they did theirs even if they didn't. That's what contractors are for, and that keeps the pay coming in.

I thought I was totally overwhelmed by insurmountable stress. I was shocked when all the stress turned out to be four piss ant little things. I'm designing some rituals to address each now.

I don't need more money, although I am doing a ritual for a windfall to offset some bad choices I've been making financially. That and sticking to the budget addresses finances. Jupiter has been drawn upon in that regard for both strength and grace.

I'm doing another healing ritual to address the chronic illnesses. I think I know what the root cause is, and I've addressed it with Michael and Raphael. I've also done specific healing rites to address the symptoms as they flare up.

I'm using Eligos and Bune for the Occupational Stress factors. Eligos for favor with my boss, and Bune in his role as bringer of eloquence. The way around the stress of people not doing their jobs is to create a beautiful montage of bullshit that makes it look like they did great. I make them look good, it gives me something to do, and they in turn keep me around for more projects in the future. So I'll be stuck there longer. To be the scapegoat or Chuck Norris that makes the project succeed in spite of no one doing their jobs. Hmmm. May need to rethink that one.

Anyway, lesson of the day: write down what's bothering you and see if it's as bad as it feels. Find the corresponding spirits, and Work with them to fix the issues. And pay attention to your relationship with God once a week so you don't end up as screwed as I did.

Monday, May 25, 2009

The Sun

Ok, Try looking at This Link for my attempt at a fun video. It works on my computer, I'm hoping it works on yours. Oh, and Fin, you will need sound. :-(

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Holy Cow!

I'm having the best weekend ever. It's totally funliness.

I got the pool set up yesterday, I've got the grill cleaned up and ready for burgers, hot dogs, Italian sausage, I made the potato salad, and there's a buttload of corn in need of a salt-water bath, and they'll be ready to grill as well.

Did I mention the cherries?

My is annoyed that I keep grinning like a Cheshire Cat. I can handle that.

The best thing about the weekend is that it isn't over tomorrow! I'll still be off! Ahhhh, blessed Memorial Day.

Oh, no long sermonizing about Memorial Day for me. Either you know why we celebrate and get it, or you don't. Doesn't matter in the pupil of the Eye. If you died defending our country, though, thanks. You're totally R.O. Approved.

Saturday, May 16, 2009


Ok, so the other day on Facebook, I took a quiz called "Are you on a Boat." It turned out I was on a boat. I had no idea what the fuck it was about.

Today I found out. Saturday Night Live has these little movies and I had no idea. Digital Shorts. Hulu, thanks for rotting my brain the rest of the way. If you get a chance, check out Dick in a Box with Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg. And Motherlovers.

But the most important thing you can watch today...

Ok, not the MOST important. Watching other people perform isn't that important, really. yOu should be all performing your duties as a magician, fulfilling your roles and responsibilities as the Image of God, you fuckin' slacker...

But in between conjuring angels and demons to rule the world, take a break and watch a day in the life of Natalie Portman. For all the fans of Star Wars, V for Vendetta, and ... did she do anything else? Who knows. But this I like.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Stuff n' Junk

So, I've got a bit on my mind lately. If it's not apparent to you, I'll let you in on a secret:

My magical practice has fallen off sharply lately. Lots of work at the job, lots of stress around the house, and lots of naps. And Hostess Products.

I think that all contributed to a particularly bad Mercury Retrograde transition. I really need to be in harmony with Mercury so his rapid wanderings don't cause as much discord in my life. But I lost focus and got distracted and forgot I was a magician.

I mean, I knew I was a magician, but I wasn't a magician first. I was a Project Manager first, a Husband first, a Father first, a Hostess-craving obese slob first. (In case you're wondering, one box of Ding-Dongs on Saturday results in seven pounds gained by Tuesday in the Sphere of RO.)

The good thing about being a magician (and the bad thing too) is that eventually God starts kicking your ass to get you back to practicing. I like to think I only need gentle kicks, but the fact is my ass has been a football in a pro game lately. My ass has been so kicked my legs are sore.

Could be the added weight of the Ding-Dongs though.

Regardless of why my legs hurt, I've been back to practicing regularly for a week now. Every day some HGA Work, some Goetia to retune my sphere, and your basic magical exercise program to get back in shape. The nice thing is that  wasn't nearly as out of shape as I thought I was. I'd just sort of lost track of God. Sort of like a compass needle pointing to a passing magnet instead of to the North. Get out of the field of influence of the magnet, and the needle points North again.

To the people who have been IMing me lately, thanks. I appreciate the inspiration you bring. New friends and old, you've been great.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Modern Angelic Grimoire Presentation

This post deleted due to some annoying issues I'm having with it. I still need to figure out how to use's cooler features.

Why artists rock

Do you know why artists rock so hard?

Me neither. But they totally do. Here's an example of what an Artist can do with the strangest of materials. I'm talking about my book, the Modern Angelic Grimoire, not the baby. I totally would love to mass produce what she did with this. Thing is I can't even remember to send out a Spriit Bottle that I've had made for a month. It's in the box with the address... I just ahven't mailed the effing thing.Sorry, diude, but I'm terrible at online business. If I can't email it, I get all distracted.

Well, anyway, the Modern Angelic Grimoire is being put to good use. If you haven't ordered a copy and want one for yourself, feel free to buy one from me.

Also, look for the upcoming Modern Goetic Grimoire companion piece. I'm about 3000 words into it, and I fully expect it to be done in a couple of months. Or a year.

Friday, May 08, 2009

Update on Ye Cursin'

All better now.

Psalm 100 is totally in order: Shout joyfully to the LORD, all the earth. Serve the LORD with gladness; Come before Him with joyful singing. Know that the LORD Himself is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture. Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him, bless His name. For the LORD is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting and His faithfulness to all generations.

Thanks, Aly, Adoy, Sabaoth, amara.

Gratias ago: Lagumen Iava, firin, Iavagellayn Lavaquiri, Lavagola, Lavatosorin, Layfialafin, Lyafaran: Thanks, and Thanks again.

Monday, May 04, 2009

Fun Stuff

So, I think I'm cursed. Every time anything bad happens to me, I think I'm cursed. Thanks to Jason Miller's Protection and Reversal Magick, I can honestly say that there's a grain of truth to the thought. Being cursed and living under "crossed conditions" are the same thing, pretty much. It doesn't take a magician to curse you, you might have pissed off a spirit of a place, or you may just have some astrological bullshit going on, or maybe you're suffering from rejection by your peers or something. No matter the source of the curse, it manifests in your life as a string of bad luck, illness, or something like that. Magic is effective against this kind of thing regardless of the source.

I (and I'm sure you'll be shocked) tend to annoy other magicians from time to time. I have this open honesty about me that I can't help but project onto the world. On occasion, I'll say something true about someone in a way that doesn't bring them spiritual edification (you're the cum-slick whore of the occult community, a waste of human flesh, and your next incarnation as the sphincter of a Spanish goat guarded by lonely, but well-endowed shepherds is more than you deserve), and then when the bad luck starts a week or so later, I tend to assume they've cursed me.

Most of the time I shrug it off. Every divination I've done to determine whether I've been cursed or not comes back positive. Every time I suspect it's someone in particular, sure enough the cards or tumblers tell me I'm right. When I ask the spirits, the voices in my head confirm that yes, Frater (or Soror) XYZ is personally responsible for my current affliction.

Naturally, I figure I'm full of shit in these circumstances. Any time I get a confirmation of my paranoid prejudices, I tend to question it. I've come to accept that I'm too in love with me, too subjective to do an unbiased divination on myself to get accurate results in this kind of thing (although horary looks interesting). So, I'll usually settle for your basic uncrossing ritual, and then recite Genesis 12:3 ("I will bless them that bless thee and curse them that curse thee; and in thee shall all nations of the Earth be blessed") a few times until I'm back to normal (whatever the fuck that passes for these days). No big deal.

A couple of weeks ago, I started getting the feeling I was cursed. Allergies and asthma like never before are plaguing me. According to some loving people, I need to accept that it's middle age creeping up on me and the only curse I'm suffering is hay fever because it's Spring. (Yay, Spring. Yay. Fucking spring and pollen and mold and rain and flowers and bees and yay. Fuck Maryland Spring. I'm moving to the desert. Give me shin daggers, give me Joshua trees, give me mesquite and vinegaroons and prickly pear jam. Deserts get Spring too, and it's beautiful, and you don't have asthma attacks brought on by high pollen counts. One day, Lord, let it be.) It might be middle age creeping up on me, and it might just be Spring on the East Coast that's suffocating me and leaving me unable to form a thought.

I had coincidentally told someone what I thought of them right before the symptoms began manifesting. Maybe if I would just keep my mouth shut and recognize that every human being is a manifestation of God worthy of compassion and charity, maybe if I would truly do unto others as I would have them do unto me, maybe if I really loved the stupid fucks of the world I wouldn't be thinking I was cursed every time I went through a change of life. I'll work on that. Soon.

No, really. I mean it this time. FOR REAL.


Well, regardless, I cracked open 777. The dude's a GD-trained Ceremonialist, for one thing, and they totally love 777; it's like ingrained in their brain. Even if he wasn't personally responsible, I've got it in an Excel spreadsheet and it's easy to do a global search. I could barely breathe at the time, I wasn't up to thumbing through Skinner's Complete Book of Magical Tables looking for the traditional stuff. 777 isn't perfect, but it's good enough in a pinch.

I looked up Respiratory functions and the Lungs. These correspond to Aleph and Zain. What Spirits do I know that start with A and Z, offensive in the elements? Azazel springs to mind, and Azael. Air and Water, respectively. I can't breathe, Air, and I feel like I'm drowning, Water. That's enough for me.

Next stop, the Esoteric Archives. Ok, I was already there anyway, looking at the Scale of the Number Four. It's not like I remember all the demons and their elemental attributes that I've ever seen in my studies. That's why we have the Internet after all. Running a search on "Azazel" turned up a few pages on Joe's site. Most were from Agrippa's Three Books of Occult Philosophy, one indicated he pops up in the Grimorum Verum (which I have around here, somewhere), and one was from the 6th and 7th Books of Moses.

On that link above, if you do a Find on "Azazel" (hold your control key down and press the "F" key), it takes you right to the pertinent parts. There's a handy dandy Name of God there that's suitable for lifting any afflictions from the Princes of Devils Offensive in the Elements. Incorporating that into a nice ritual didn't take too long, and the effect was immediate.

I also took some medicine. I believe that even if a disease is spiritually caused, the body's going to need to heal anyway. Taking away the source of the affliction helps, fer sure, but you've got to do something about the symptoms.

So I took some B-Complex vitamins for my brain, God knows it needs it regardless of any crossed conditions. I also took some vitamin C to boost my immune system, some Claritin for the allergies, and huffed on some Albuterol for the asthma. Oh yeah, some generic Mucinex (which is Guaifenesin, look for it in cheaper stuff by name) for the congestion. I'll be combining that particular alchemy with some Enochian conjurations of EHNB later to put those particular chemical blocks where they can do the most good. The Christian axiom "In the World, but not of the World" comes to mind.

Friday, May 01, 2009

Working Magicians

So when I started and the blog, I figured I'd get some odd requests, people looking for riches, love, power, revenge, you know, all the shit in the grimoires.

I've gotten my fair share of those things, mostly from people in Africa, South America, and the Phillipines, where people know what magicians are supposed to be able to do.

Some pet peeves I have managed to gain:

Make me 10X more Pow'rful!

"Will you just do magic to make me a powerful magician like I used to be when I was 16? Ever since I hit 27 and moved back home with my mom, it's been like the magic's gone."

NO! You do the Magic, you get the power. And what you had when you were 16? That was "sex appeal to 15 year old girls." That's all over now. Grow up.

What surprises me is how many people are like this. I'm picking on one dude, but really, he's not alone. People had this great role playing thing going on with their occulty friends in their teens, and everyone was a reincarnated astral warrior fighting demons. And nothing happened. And they couldn't figure out why. And now they want a real magician to make them back into their old characters. Grow the Eff Up.

Bossy Beggars

Please! I am on bended knee and contemplating suicide! Help your brother I am counting on you! Get me business in my store. Send your spirits to get me $10,000 by Friday. I sent you four emails yesterday telling you what I wanted, why haven't I gotten it yet? Waiting for your reply.

I understand when you're in a fix you need immediate attention. I understand that you think I'm sitting around doing nothing but waiting for opportunities to do magic for people. I know you think you're doing me a favor by giving me an opportunity to do magic for you for free. But I have three kids and a spouse who hasn't worked in 9 years. My father in law is going in for open heart surgery. I have a job I work at for 50 hours a week. I have a lawn to mow, cars to fix, and bills to pay. These things take time. My magic has been relegated to a part-time pursuit. When I have time for it, fixing your bad business decisions isn't that high on my list of things to do. Don't get snitty with me.

The Quaking Pseudo-Noob

Gee, Mr. Opus, I've been practicing for years, but I haven't got a blog and I'm not published, so even though I've conjured more spirits than you know exist, I'm still all nervous about talking to you.

This isn't a pet-peeve as much as it is a shock. I'm no expert. Every time I think I know more than I do, God provides people like Jason or Optimystic or someone like that to remind me of the depth of my ignorance. I tend to think I'm a Goetia expert because I've Worked with 18 spirits from the Lemegeton's Goetia. Then I meet people who have gone much deeper into their research and practice, and I find out that ok, I've worked more than most people, but I'm still a ways away from being an expert.

So if you're nervous about talking to me about something because you think I'm special, I'd just like to remind you that I'm not. I'm a magician like you.