Friday, July 06, 2012

Why it Hurts

[Edit: I started writing this when the linked posts were current. Things happened, and it's just now getting posted.]

Man, read these:
Excellent stuff.

Perspective. We need it.

I need it.

Jason's original point, the thing I agree with him about... shit gets blown out of proportion when that shit's the HGA.

Pain. Suffering. Refining through the Fire. The agony of the attainment.

It's real. For some of us.

For others, it's not that bad at all. A couple students, a few fellow wise old magicians didn't go through a ton of shit, just some minor shit, because they got the point quicker than I did. I bet Jow, with his appreciation of the important things in life, his honest gratitude, his humility, his kindness... I bet for people like him, it's a walk down the beach, and the heat of the Sun is a pleasure, not a pain at all.

Michael mentioned that he required his experience to attain the HGA, in a way. I needed the suffering of my initiation too. It was right for me. It was right for my first "student," now long-time friend, who I "helped," whose life fell to pieces as I encouraged him to do more magic and call down more fire.

But people go through worse shit without ever conjuring their HGA. You know anyone over thirty who hasn't had some shit to deal with, something traumatic, something huge that you think about and wonder if you'd be able to handle it? I've got magician friends with more experience and empowerment than me who I respect and love who are facing or have faced more terrible things than I can imagine being able to deal with. Shit that doesn't just go away in a year or two.

Shit. Happens. Regardless.

My take is that it's better to walk away with a spiritual assistant who can help me do the stuff my ancestors in the Hermetic current taught were possible with a supernatural assistant. Might as well get some magician goodies out of the suffering, you know?

But I'm a shit-oriented person. Mostly because I don't think I should have to suffer. Suffering sucks. I hate to suffer. I think I shouldn't have to suffer, honestly, because I'm cool. I deserve better. I have a high opinion of myself. If I suffer, it ain't right.

As a result, when I suffer, it's the worst fucking thing that can happen, and I bitch about it a lot. I'm like, can you believe it? I had to suffer? ME!

But honestly, it wasn't that bad. I lived through it. Lots of people have had worse shit to deal with than losing their girlfriends and their jobs, you know? I didn't even lose my girlfriend. My relationship with my ex got really shitty and SHOULD have fallen apart, but I was stubborn in my stupidity, and held on to it anyway. And jobs, money... I had issues to work through with that. I'm over it. I have an awesome job. If I'm not over it, I'll go through more shit, and end up with a more awesome job.

Regardless I got my HGA, so whatever, I'm good.

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