Wednesday, June 19, 2019


you breathe in, you breathe out, the seconds go by, as you lie in the comfort of your bed, you realize you're alive, and the fears in your head spin out of control anyway.
you get up, take your paces, you drink and you face the fact that it keeps time with the race of your heart, the voices, beating and beating and beating at the middle of your head, yelling who you are, what you are, what your place is.
you talk to your shrink, you take the right pills, your friends hug you up when you're covered in ills, and you've done all the things, and they just won't stop, they just won't be still as your heart goes on beating and beating and beating in time with the voices inside of your mind and it kills you to think of another minute, screw this, I'm out, fuck off, this sucks I've had my fill, I'm leaving.
but you stay anyway.
and one day, you call someone who can't help, who doesn't get it at all. gives you advice as if to a child. have you tried putting your foot in front of your other one? it's called walking, he said. also, remember to breathe, in, out, he says, like you don't know already, haven't read it a thousand times, said it many more, like you hit your head and forgot how to fucking breathe, really?
and somehow it all clicks.
and this time, it sticks.
people are dumb. life is hard.
your words, they change things, more powerful than any voice in your head, loud and strong, right, wrong, whatever, it's your breath, moving in and out that makes the words that come out and change the worlds, and the steps you take are the path you make and your bed's at the end and you sleep.
and you wake.
to the holy sound of silence.

and your heart keeps on beating, and beating, and beating out rhythms of joy, and love, and sure, pain, but you're not lost. you found yourself again.

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