Saturday, November 07, 2009
"Yeah," I said, "I get that all the time."
"Nah, I'll just write a blog post."
"Ng yalthkaz ruek."
"Heh, yeah, I know, right? But I'll just put it in English my way. It's not so messy."
This is one of the reasons I started writing the blog and eventually got around to starting the Supernatural Assistant course. The fact is, the path isn't what a lot of people think it is. The HGA isn't instant enlightenment. It isn't a path to becoming compassionate and wise and everything you think a spiritual guru or enlightened Master is supposed to be. It's nothing like the point of Eastern Mysticism at all.
The HGA is primarily a spiritual assistant. It's got the powers of a lot of the entities from the Lemegeton, entities largely considered "demonic." It also has the power to bring you entities often considered Demonic. It's also a straight and direct line of communion with your Source. It's also a powerful motivator and Teacher, a Guide that can direct you to spiritual wisdom and the whole guru thing. It can help you attain compassion and service to others, if that's your purpose in life.
But it's not a given. Just because you can talk to your HGA doesn't mean you will. Just because you can have it make troops appear to frighten off your King's enemies doesn't mean you'll ever be in a position to need that.
The primary goal of the HGA is to help you do more magic. More magic causes spiritual transformations that may lead to compassion, or it may lead to wisdom, or it may lead to wealth, or something like that. But there's no guarantee, and above all, it's not a process that happens over night.
I started out an asshole who literally hated people. Misanthropist barely describes the hate I felt for "other people." After years of doing magic with my HGA, I have changed. I generally get mildly annoyed by people now, and even then I recognize that whatever's annoying me is only temporary, and does not mean I need to write off that person entirely because one area of their life is annoying to me. I've learned that I don't need to curse people, because their lives are usually pretty shitty, and that's why they're acting so annoying. I've learned I don't have to be a dick, all the time.
I'm not a perfectly compassionate, lay-down-my-life-for-a-friend kind of guy. I still want to do things for me, regardless of the impact it has on others. I have a hard time getting out of bed and doing a load of dishes or laundry when my wife's sick. I'd rather play video games than mow the lawn. I'd rather have a ton of money than have to earn it. I still see people do stupid things and think, "God! How flippin' STUPID!" and feel better about myself because I'm so not-STUPID.
I'm petty and mean, sometimes. There are days when I regret ever writing this blog, ever trying to help people, ever starting the path of the Great Work. There are days that I hate the responsibility that comes with it, and frankly, there are days when I ignore the responsibility that comes with it.
But I've progressed a great deal, in my own estimation, from where I used to be. I hear it from others as well, that I've shown growth in understanding aspects of the path I'm on that they thought I'd never achieve.
The bottom line is that the HGA doesn't make you perfect, it makes it easier to approach perfection. But that's not it's primary function at all. It's primarily there to aid you in performing magic, magic that is intended to create the world. There are things that need to be created on the planet that aren't going to be fun for everyone that participate, things that will hurt, maim, and kill. Conjure a daimon to help your brother in a battle in Afghanistan, and you're helping to kill Taliban-believing humans. For what? To protect your brother? What makes your brother special compared to the Taliban?
But that's what the spirits are there for. We're supposed to be concerned about this level of "petty" human interaction. Why would God create a spirit that causes pustules and death if there weren't a time that pustules and death were necessary?
We don't take on a flesh suit and manifest as human beings so that we can transcend being human, or so that we can attain an understanding that makes us more than human. We do it to be fully human. We aren't supposed to be perfect. If we were supposed to be perfectly good and do only the "right" thing all the time, we wouldn't have bothered being human in the first place.
Yeah, I found out I like helping people. The interesting part to me was that I enjoy it. I mean, I'm really fulfilled by doing it. I've helped people before, but in general I usually resent having to help people. I would rather help myself. I've never felt so happy about it, I've just sort of felt it was a necessary burden, an obligation to pass things on that I didn't have a lot of choice in. I've always looked at the Hierophant thing as a burden, not a joy. I've said before, "I do it because I gots to, Mister!" It's true, too, I do have to.
What's surprising to me is that I'm enjoying it too. I'm actually having fun.