Friday, February 13, 2009

Still yet more East Vs. West Crap

Some days I struggle with the supremacy of magical systems. Other days, I struggle with reheating the chicken legs or the spaghetti for my late-night snack.

Tonight it was spaghetti.

But I wanted to take a little more time to address the East West thing. My downfall in my attempt to prove the supremacy of the West was my ignorance. My biggest pet peeve with Western Magicians is ignorance. What ticked me off in the first place was the ignorant statement that the East blows away the West. What I loathe more than anything in the world is ignorance.

Especially my own though. I went into this knowing the West can get me anything I wanted. I went in knowing that the idea that the East was more advanced was bullshit. But I let the comment piss me off. I took it personally, because I didn't like the idea that someone could so nonchalantly dismiss what I do, denigrate it so willfully and ... ignorantly.

But whatever. I shouldn't have taken it personally. Systems are what they are. Westerners are taught from birth that there are no monsters, fairies, gnomes, witches, or magical fat elves that deliver presents once a year to commemorate the gifts of the Magi. Who weren't really magical, just primitive scientists. We're trained in ignorance, trained to disregard the primitive and embrace the new-fangled, because it's easier, faster, and somehow better.

Most of the new really is better and faster. And niftier. I love the internet. I'm totally getting an iPhone.

Anyway, I'm getting tired, and I haven't even gotten to the point. We're ignorant, in the West, ignorant of our traditions, ignorant of what "Hermetic" means, ignorant of the ways our cultural predecessors practiced magic. There are no monasteries where the teachings of Hermes are practiced. There are few magicians willing to teach or record their experiences.There are even fewer qualified. The palpable ignorance of western magicians is so extreme that idiots like myself who have scratched the surface of the potential of our heritage seem advanced. News flash, folks, I got K&CHGA three or four years ago. A couple months later I knew more than most occultists, so I thought I had what it takes to teach, or at least inspire.

Hopefully I do, at least inspire.

But I spent a while looking at the Eastern traditions. To the folks that think it's better, I say this: you're ignorant. Better for you, maybe, I'll concede. But the systems of the East are simply being used. That's all. The representatives of the East that have "supernatural" abilities have all spent years focusing on specific teachings. None of them have it easier than us. Spend five years doing nothing but communing with the HGA or a Goetic spirit, for that matter, and see what you walk away with.You want to say the Eastern systems have more to teach in their writings? Meditate on the Corpus Hermeticum the way they meditate on their teachings. You think their gurus can pass on initiations in ways that we can't? Spend a week with me.

In a year or so, anyway.

The key is practice, that's all. Just practice. Conjure a spirit. Conjure it again. Listen and apply its teachings. Develop under its tutelege. Get the attunements they offer. Pass them on to people to advance their progress. All the Easterners with their systems have on us is that they know where to look to learn.

Here's where to look if you're interested in getting the full power of the Western traditions: - read everything there. Meditate on the things that resonate with you. Implement the processes.
The Sacred Texts - The same.

That's it. That's all there is to it. Do it to the exclusion of all else, devote a lifetime to it, and at the end of your life focus your power into picking up where you left off in your next incarnation. That's all they do that we don't. And hell, there are those of us doing that in their own way to varying degrees right now. Find them and talk to them. And don't be afraid of your ignorance, or let it beat you down like I did. It's a distraction, something to overcome.


  1. One of the things I love most about your blog is that you voice problems/concerns/ideas we all have and then work through them. Your information and evolution is always thought provoking and inspiring.

  2. on a lighter note...he's been winging his way from east to west...

  3. Great stuff Rufus. I've really enjoyed the past couple of weeks on yours and Jason's blogs. I've learned a lot and am becoming ever more inspired. Good job. So far I've only worked with JP's 6th & 7th bks, but the results have really been astonishing. Well that and your Angel grimoire. It was pretty much after that when the Seals and Tables really begin to get'er done.

    carry on...


  4. I don't think I ever said it was "better". More complex and advanced yes. But not Better.

    And of course it is because of the amount of people using it and not the system itself! And the cultural support it receives as opposed to the cultural smack down that western magick recieves from our society.

    But again I say, there is no eastern/western magick at all.

  5. Another thing:

    You definately have what it takes to teach and inspire.

    Right now there are people in Philadelphia working the system that you taught them.

    You have inspired and taught me, so I can say with assurance that you can.

  6. Susanne, thanks! For everything!

    Jason, You never said the East was Better. I don't believe you think that. I think SOME people think that, and it was directed at them. The Infamous THEM. Who may not exist.

    Fr. EH'e, I'm shocked! The offline emails you've sent made me think you'd done a lot more than the 6th and 7th! I suspect you really have and you're being coy. ;-)

    Everyone - thanks for the compliments and encouragement. I don't NEED it, as I am supremely confident in everything I do, of course, but ... I really appreciate it.

  7. So many people think that Christianity as it is practiced today is how it was ALWAYS practiced.

    I've got news for you: The Office of Pope has had an astrologer for much of its existence. Every major king in Europe wanted a Magus.

    It is the wholesale emphasis on Sola Scriptura that started in the 1500s that removed it from Western Discourse. Then the Enlightenment swept in to fill the void. Some of the esoteric knowledge was kept alive via that current.

    Plus, I find you thoroughly educational. :)

  8. On a completely unrelated note (I got over the whole east-west thing years ago), you asked me to do some blogging of my own, and I have gotten going with that again. You can read my stuff at . Yeah I know - "You're not on blogger? Gasp!". I've been on Diaryland for years - its just no one ever comes there anymore. So sad :(

  9. I studied and practiced Western magick for many years and now I practice Vajrayana. One of the reasons I moved away from the Western systems was because I decided the proof is in the pudding, or to speak in the West's own terms, 'by their works shall ye know them.'

    So after reading everything Crowley wrote and every biography of him I could find, and practicing his system and the GD material for 10 years, I asked myself, okay what did this man who devoted his life to the practice really get out of it? He often couldn't even get a little extra cash when he needed it from magick, and personally, he remained pretty much an asshole up to the end. I have great respect for his intellect and poetic visionary imagination, but if the K&C of the HGA doesn't make you more compassionate and open hearted and evolved, what good is it?

    Same with John Dee. Great, you can have conversations with Angels, but what good did it really do for him?

    Or Poke Runyon developing a great system for working with the Goetia to tap into powers that should help him develop his own talents and 'divine genius' as well as making him successful in the world, but can they help him write a decent novel? Nope, nor have they helped him get a real publisher. If it's not doing much for someone like him who spends most of his time on it, why should I be inspired to do the same work? Again, I don't mean any disrespect, but I'm telling it like I see it.

    Then I look at Buddhist monks who view attaining clairvoyance from a year of daily shamatha meditation as just the first step, so they will know clearly how best to benefit others.

    Show me a western magician who writes a detailed letter before his death about exactly where and when he will be reborn, who his parents will be and what the neighborhood looks like even though he's never been to the place, and then I'll have some empirical reason to think that maybe our stuff works as well as theirs.

    As far as I can tell, the Eastern magick (and yes, Jason, I agree the dichotomy is oversimplified) works so well that most of the system is focused on making sure you have a good ethical foundation before you tap into the power because it works too well. In the West, I mostly see egotists talking about how they can get what they want with magick and ultimately doing nothing that can't be chalked up to mundane factors when it 'works.'

    Subjectively, I've found that a little mantra work succeeds wildly better for me when I need aid than all those exhausting cabalistic talisman consecrations I used to do.

    Anyway, I enjoy your blog, and I do love a healthy passionate debate.
    Keep up the good work!

  10. Wind,

    I agree 100% with what you've said about Crowley and the GD. I think they are watered down systems, syncretized poorly with philosophies of the East, and completely useless for anyone looking for a "Western" tradition. I was equally disgusted with the GD's idea of ceremonial magic. I went into the grimoires and the Hermetic foundation of their explorations instead, and I found that they had TOTALLY misunderstood everything and did shit all wrong.

    Since then I've learned I was being reactionary and judgmental. Their shit is fine for people into it. Some folks are totally happy with what they get out of what I consider canned pablum and mental masturbation. That's where they're at. This is where I'm at relative to them: Fuck That Shit. Have a ball, I'm into what I'm into for my own purposes.

    Speaking of purposes, I don't think the purpose of Western systems is to be able to write a letter detailing their next incarnation. If that's what you're into, I'm confident you can do it using Wetern Techniques. Jason suggests trans-Saturnian spirits, Ratziel and such. I'm not into it, and the only reason I can see that I would ever do that is to ensure that I get to lead my Hermetic Monastery in my next lifetime.

    When it comes to Western Magicians that say they can get what they want and then it comes by natural means too. It does work that way. If you want it to work some other way, your desires are out of alignment with natural law.

    Also, of those magicians, how many have spent a year in seclusion attaining knowledge and conversation with a single spirit to attain the ability to manifest its powers? Saying that it doesn't work because no one's done it is ignorant.

    I look at most Western Magicians, and I feel compassion. Most of them are like you were, wasting a decade looking at watered down interpretations and a single theory of practice based on misunderstood ideas of the East and misapplied techniques of the West. Crowley, Mathers, Westcott, Regardie, they weren't Rabbis. They weren't gurus. They weren't lamas. They weren't monks. Regardie wasn't even initiated to the Fourth Degree of the GD, if I remember right, and most modern GD stuff is based on his writings, with the exception of Zalewski. Who has his own issues.

    Mantra work is good for you? Great! Plotinus, Porphyry, Iamblichus... they wouldn't be shocked. How much of their writings did you look at before jumping on the Eastern system of Vajrayana because it offered the stuff you were looking for? How much Plato did you read? How much of the Corpus Hermeticum? How much Hekalot, how much Merkavah did you study before deciding the West was weak?

    Rabbi Shimon was said to manifest a valley filled with gold coins for his disgruntled disciples. They wanted the power to make gold or something stupid. He got disgusted with them, and manifested the gold and told them, go on, fill up your pockets and get the fuck out of here!

    I'm paraphrasing. The story goes they dropped their heads and went back to the praying, fasting, and meditation on the Word of God that they were doing, realizing that they were ignorant schmucks.

    Me, I'd take as much gold as I could carry and build a nice fat palace with bookshelves lined with sacred texts and a Tower of ORTHANC out back to play on. And fund the monastery.

    I'm not big on caves and locust eating. Comes out looking a lot like it does going in.

    And honestly, clairvoyance to learn what people need? The clairvoyants of the West use it for the same thing. It's almost as if the power is linked to the compassion... Shocking!!!

    Go take a year to do that. I Worked with Michael and Gabriel for a weekend. Over the next two weeks, I gained a level of clairvoyance that might impress you if you're easily impressed by that kind of thing.

    Clairvoyance isn't that big of a deal. Everyone else wants the same things I do. And they hurt. A lot. Shutting it out is harder than opening the doors, and now I can say the things people need to hear in casual conversation, without having to hear their parents screaming at each other.

    Purpose seems to be the difference between the systems. If your purposes are aligned with the purposes of Vajrayana, good for you, hope that works out for you. When you're stuck puzzling over what the fuck the teachings mean because they're referencing something that happens every day in the Eastern culture, something that's so ingrained that people don't even have to be consciously aware of it to know it, you're going to be spending a lot more time treading water than making progress. Worse, you might think you understand it and head off based on your miscomprehension and end up at a completely different destination, blissfully ignorant of the fact that you've totally missed the point.

    I might too. Lives go on though, eh?

    Happy hunting.

  11. Frater R.O.

    I think you are still having a bit of a strong over-reaction. You state:

    "When you're stuck puzzling over what the fuck the teachings mean because they're referencing something that happens every day in the Eastern culture, something that's so ingrained that people don't even have to be consciously aware of it to know it, you're going to be spending a lot more time treading water than making progress.".

    I think its important to remember that the alien-ness of a system can be caused by time as well as space. Honestly, modern Tibetan and Indian culture has more in common with my life today than Greek and Roman culture of two thousand years ago.

    I agree that the Hermetic stuff and such has just as much there, but dont you think you are carrying on a bit by the warning above? You honestly believe that a living Tibetan lama is going to spin a yarn stranger than the Corpus Hermeticum?

    C'mon man.

  12. Wind,

    Do not be so quick to discount the western work. There are just as many egotists and twits parading around in the east as there are in the west. There are many Lamas, even famous ones, that would steal your girl and pick your pocket sooner than teach you anything.

    I have sat in a room listening to Lamas talk about how they like to give empowerments to the chinese because they are a better cash cow and dont actually want the teachings, just the initiations.

    The eastern mystical world is bigger and more complex. This has its advantages, but also its disadvantages. For example, there have been assasinations over who gets recognized as what Tulku or who can propitiate what spirit.

    I dont know how long you have been in the Vajrayana, and I don't want to turn you off to it, but dont think its all positive enlightened stuff. Even some truly great teachers like Trungpa and Dudjom and my own Kunzang Dorje struggle with problems like alcoholism. So don't pick a fault and say: "see, their magick didnt help them..."

    Its deeply flawed thinking.

  13. Okay, right on, brother, you make some good points.

    "When it comes to Western Magicians that say they can get what they want and then it comes by natural means too. It does work that way. If you want it to work some other way, your desires are out of alignment with natural law."

    Fair enough. But the Rabi manifesting gold seems to be doing something different. Of course, I often wonder if stories like that are myths or metaphors, and not just in the West. There are tales like that about Milarepa or Padmasambhava in Tibet that I also question.

    But one of the advantages of the Vajrayana path for me is that you can find living masters still doing amazing things that seem to circumvent the conventional laws of physics, or to demonstrate some kind of practical interaction with the quantum rules.

    I don't expect to reach that level in this life, but it does instill confidence in the practices. And since this stuff is so hard to learn from books, it helps when someone like the Dalai Lama can write a commentary on an ancient text by Atisha, with excellent English translation and a familiarity with the modern mind and way of life. Because frankly, I think my chances of relating to the world of an ancient Greek, Arab or Jew based on ancient texts alone are not so hot either. I've tried, and I find my Picatrix infinitely more puzzling than these Tibetan works. A living descendent of an unbroken lineage is of immense value to me.

    I like what you have to say about clairvoyance. A lot. I think our paths may have more in common than we realize. One thing I always did like about Crowley was his pioneering ability to find the common threads in world spirituality. Sure, he got a lot wrong, East and West, but he was one of the first to look for the unifying themes behind the terms and cultural differences.

    On the other hand, I find that there are profound differences in the foundational philosophies. For me, it has become almost impossible to relate to Plato's ideas ever since I studied the Buddhist doctrine of emptiness, which just strikes me as more elegant and in tune with my experience of reality and modern science. Likewise, the concepts of the HGA and even God are very difficult for me to reconcile with the Buddhist doctrines of anatman and the inherent emptiness of phenomena and a universe devoid of beginning.

    But that's me, for someone who finds those philosophical underpinnings unsatisfactory, if they simply go against your grain, then Eastern practices will probably be much less effective and accessible for you.

    It's a difficult topic, we're batting around here. Carl Jung wrote some very interesting things about all this in his commentary on the Taoist Secret of the Golden Flower. He seems to fluctuate between emphatically arguing that Western people can not use Eastern practices in any authentic way, and yet stating that the human brain structure being the same in all parts of the world, (collective unconscious) his patients have often been healed by an almost identical internal process as that described by the Chinese sages. But Jung was writing in the 1920's when the treasures of Asia were mostly concealed in shadow like a crescent moon just beginning to emerge on the horizon.

    In the end, I don't believe a spiritual path should be chosen by reason or race alone. We can each evaluate the different systems and try to determine which has produced the most practical results and which is most harmonious with the latest science, but we do best when we choose the path that simply resonates in our own heart, and pursue it wholeheartedly.

    That's what you appear to be doing and I commend you for it.

  14. That is a big difference for the Western Occult Scene I've found.. We had no monestaries for a long long while. Some Magi were clergy, or patroned by princes of state or commerce, but the West hasnt had a magical eqivilant of Mt. Athos or Kailash.

    But I think Western Civilization being where it is, that might be a good thing. We've been a diaspora tradition for so long, even in our own culture, that being a householder is what we have.

    A Hermetic Monestary isn't a bad idea.. in fact it's one I've mused over as well. :) But as much as the ideas of our culture shape us, so too, do the practical realities of our culture shape our practice.

    We are a tradition of side car oratories, and basement laboratories, of foldable banners and secret niches, codes, and double meanings. Hermetic indeed! The great Cattle Thief teaches us how to be tricksie and hide in plain sight. To train our minds, and find six meanings for every detail, manipulating the malliablity of fact for the service of a greater freedom and truth.

    By nessecity we've been like El-ahrairah from Watership Down. We've grown to be "cunning and full of tricks", servants in the vein of the Diety of practicality, and alternate morality.

    Our roots are straitforward and beautiful when you read them (The Hermetica, Plato, Iamblichus, etc.), but we've had to speak and move sidewise, in double and triple meanings for a long time.

    Though Hermetic Monastics would be good for the thing that all Monastics are exceptional at: Beurocracy and Quality Control. Someone to say "This person is full of shit, and a pretender to wisdom", as well as someone to tell the bleeding edge mad scientists "Ok.. This is liable to blow up and kill someone.. It works for you, because you built it.. lets try to make it a little more stable."

  15. Wind, you wrote:

    "But one of the advantages of the Vajrayana path for me is that you can find living masters still doing amazing things that seem to circumvent the conventional laws of physics, or to demonstrate some kind of practical interaction with the quantum rules."

    Who exactly? What have you seen? I have met one Lama that could really do something that was beyond any other magician I have ever met, but he rarely leaves his room.

    Other than that, I have met easterners AND westerners who have done some pretty amazing things with their respective systems.

    Incidentally, the outward magick doesnt necessarily have a direct relation to spiritual realization, The Lama that I speak of above has all kinds of problems surrounding him that I wont get into here.

  16. Jow,

    Mt Athos is western, if you consider greek orthodox western. Still amazing work being done there.

    Its on my list....

  17. Jason,

    I would never suggest that there aren't as many con men in India as we have. There are a lot more of them because there's more of a 'spiritual economy.' I know Trungpa used to have sex with students and died of alcohol poisoning. My own dear Geshe is probably too attached to his ipod. We're all human and we have to be very discerning about teachers and paths.

    I'm just saying that looking at how someone lives can be a good indicator of how effective their practice is. I see a lot of good examples of spiritually developed people with low stress, generosity, humor, humility and forgiveness when I look at Tibet.

    On the other hand, I've been like, what the fuck? when I'm in India on pilgrimage hearing monks tell lay people not to encourage the lepers by giving them a few rupees. And the Dalai Lama himself says that compared to Christian monasteries in Europe, the Buddhists have failed to support the poor and sick in their own communities by building schools and orphanages like we do in the west.

    Nobody's perfect. People are people wherever you go. But I would love to see more visible examples of magicians performing awe inspiring feats and also living in ways that are a cut above the herd. I really would. I guess I just got bummed out about how many people seem to get into occultism for unhealthy reasons and neuroses because it looks like an easy path to power, when in fact, it's often a lot harder than accomplishing things by 'normal' means. I kind of like the idea that the siddhis are really just distractions from the great work, side effects, if you will.

  18. Jason, Wind said he enjoyed healthy debate! How can you have a healthy debate without "fuck" and implied ad hominem?

    But regarding cultural alien-ness, I run into it in my Hermetic studies. It happens.

    I grew up in Del Rio, TX where the US and Mexico overlap. I understand about cultural traditions that get lost in translation. Gringos that lived in Mexico for 20 years, spoke fluent Spanish in the locla dialect, and had married into long-standing families that traced their roots back to the Spanish nobility still didn't "get" things they ran into in their relationships, interactions with in-laws, and the unique local take on religion.

    I'm sure you've run into it in your studies. Then again, you could just be smarter than me. (HIGHLY UNLIKELY, but somewhat possible.)

    I can barely understand where people in my own culture are coming from. Add on millenia of social developments that you haven't experienced, and it just gets worse.

    You went to Nepal and studied. You had a guide, a guru to explain things to you along the way, I'm sure. I'm not saying it's impossible to understand, or inevitable that you'll fail, but I think you have to tread a lot more carefully in foreign cultures than native ones.

    And I don't think that the West is in any better condition, really. Like I said above, I run into it my Hermetic studies a lot. So maybe taking it too far again, but still...

    All I guess I can factually state is that I understand the West better and find the Eastern cultures alien. Beautiful, but alien.

  19. Jason,

    I totally agree Mt. Athos is western, I think I somehow misplaced my head.. in my ass.

    I think the brain twitch happened thinking they don't do western hermetic magick there, though they do, do western spirituality there.

    Though to be honest, I shouldn't have included it, because aside from the writings of some long dead Heshychasts I have very little knowlage of the practices of Mt. Athos. And you know.. it's in Greece. Where Platonism came from ;)

  20. Jow, beautiful post.

    And Jason, I fully expect you to take this with a grain of salt (probably wouldn't respect you as much if you didn't because I'm just some guy gabbing on the web) but since you asked...

    I saw a group of Kagyu monks in upstate New York instantly mend the broken leg of a hiker with just chanting. Years later, without knowing my story, a friend I trust and find to be very honest related a very similar story about a group of Gelugpa monks healing her daughter's broken leg, again with chanting. We're talking get up and run around on a bone that was unable to take weight without intense pain just a few hours prior.

    There are also some well documented accounts of the 17th Karmapa, Ogyen Trinley Dorje doing remote viewing and making hand impressions in solid rock.

    These are a few of the things that I find remarkable. But miracle stories as a means to prove the validity of a religion tend to backfire. Most tantric practitioners seem to downplay and deny them because, again, they are seen as distractions and obstacles to progress, as I'm sure you know. But since we're on the topic, may I ask what you saw? I can't help being curious.

  21. Jow,

    For some insight into the current work going on at Mt Athos, read "A Different Christianity" by Amis. Its really good stuff.

  22. Wind,

    I believe you about the healing. I have witnessed something similar but actually from a group of western mages. I have also been part of healing work that has had remarkable effects.

    There are a few instances where I saw things that really blew me away, but a good example would be seeing Kunzang Dorje stop a bird in mid flight, just frozen there in space, than released as if nothing had happened.

  23. >>But I would love to see more visible examples of magicians performing awe inspiring feats and also living in ways that are a cut above the herd. I really would. I guess I just got bummed out about how many people seem to get into occultism for unhealthy reasons and neuroses because it looks like an easy path to power, when in fact, it's often a lot harder than accomplishing things by 'normal' means. I kind of like the idea that the siddhis are really just distractions from the great work, side effects, if you will.

    Some of this can come from magickians not understanding what they are working with, even when they've got all the books and have teachers and support groups and what not. During the last 6 years, I've been working towards a more scientific and objective current of magick. This is only good to a degree. The truly objective current of magick and life (when seen in sphere magick) is in the Uranus and Neptune spheres and beyond. I thought I had been working with the more universal aspects of the subjective current of the 'lower' spheres. I mistook one for the other, but there's so much similarity that even people with an advanced can be confused.

    Working with the truly objective current overrides pretty much any magick from the subjective current, unless there is some consistency between the workings. The objective is still accessed when working the subjective, but it's just not as strong an impact because of your focus. As an example, I have tried for years to develop my 'far seeing' clairvoyant abilities, but while I got some of those (and not to the level I really want), it ended up being the more spiritual communion aspect. The older definition. No matter what I tried, it always ended up being the older definition. In trying to understand magick from a more scientific perspective, I was constantly looking for deeper and deeper meanings.

    Deeper meanings of the subjective current are fine, but it's less so with the objective current of uranus, neptune and above. Just like clearing energy blockages and looking for more fundamental root causes releases things from you and they are sent away and 'banished', the truly objective current will do that to your life.

    It increases the longing to leave the subjective current and reach for staying with the objective current. Working with the objective current wil create within oneself pain in one form or another. Social/emotional and even physical. It all depends on the person. For me, it was primarily the physical aspect. It took an old injury, brought it back last week and made the pain worse than it originally was. The stress was so bad that it made my hair fall out at spots all over my head and I shouldn't have a balding head, but now I do.

    This past wednesday, when the pain came back, I seriously contemplated chopping my hand off because the consequences of getting rid of it (short and long term) were far better than continuing the pain. None of my magick, material heat, cold or even pain meds (including the perscription level strength kind) were working. I contemplated it because there was no way I was gonna go back to suffering the injury again at a far worse pain level.

    So, I'm laying there in bed at night, still looking for a deeper meaning of why some part of me on a higher level of reality was allowing this to happen to my material form and I'm asking my HGA. In this case, the HGA I'm referring to is the triplet entity of the holy guardian angel, holy guardian devil and that third, shadowy figure whose identity I still have not discovered all rolled into one. I asked why several times and finally I thought that I should put up a barrier to it. To cut off the flow of the 'pain energy'. This HGA combo asked why and I blurted out with my mind that 'understanding brings pain'. I had no idea where it came from. It just bubbled up from inside me.

    And that was the problem. As soon as my mind said that, the pain vanished like a bubble that's been poked all the way through with a pin. What was left was a very intense, but dull ache. Nothing like what it was, so I felt no compulsion to chop off my hand. I didn't want to even understand why understanding brought pain, so I just kept throwing up energy for the barrier. I tried my hardest to keep separated from the knowledge.

    During the last week, I've mostly ignored the underlying understanding of what was happening, except for the material results. When you let the objective current override the subjective in the lower levels, your lower form begins to deteriorate and burn up, as the 'dross' of the subjective current is removed, just like when you clear an energy blockage. You'll find social/behavioral/physical changes with the people around you, some going away and others actually getting better. This is because parts of their dross is expelled from them because of some of the objective current flowing to them. But, because they aren't the focus of it, they don't lose as much dross and the overall effect is lessened. And the dross is the aspects of you that are your material form and anything of the spheres below neptune and uranus.

    I got really really good at working this objective current, so I didn't come away from the experience with nothing. Lots of people combine strong emotion with focused thoughts to manifest in the material world. That's the way things work. But, I don't have to do that often to see small changes. I can banish an area just by thinking it and without any emotions. I've even forced some spirits to speak words I want them to, but did it accidentally. I can perform a complicated astral evocation/invocation at the same time I'm consciously moving around the material realm and doing several things at the same time, etc.

    But, I'd absolutely wouldn't recommend anyone ever doing this the way I've done it and there's no way in hell I'm going back to the objective current.

    Over the last many years, I've tried to piece together the memories I've had from before my incarnations that I lost during the forgetting and a couple days ago, I remembered why I gave up on the objective current to begin with. I found the subjective one more interesting. And by focusing on the subjective currernt specifically and making sure I don't focus on the objective, during the last couple of days, I've found at least my healing powers are now more jacked up than they were. And working with the objective current apparently made me ignore injures I had because since I switched to the subjective, I've found a lot of small places with bad spots.

    I'm focusing on the healing parts first, including taking tramadol, but I've also got a lot of work to do to get me buried out from under my screwing up parts of my life by letting the objective current in so strongly and the mystical failures.

  24. >>But I would love to see more visible examples of magicians performing awe inspiring feats and also living in ways that are a cut above the herd. I really would. I guess I just got bummed out about how many people seem to get into occultism for unhealthy reasons and neuroses because it looks like an easy path to power, when in fact, it's often a lot harder than accomplishing things by 'normal' means. I kind of like the idea that the siddhis are really just distractions from the great work, side effects, if you will.

    Also, I don't think many realize just what it is that they bring to the table when they do a ritual or call up a spirit.

    Taking another example from my life (this one is actually better than the last), in this life, I grew up around a lot of people where my interaction with them made my opinion not important at all, regardless of the topic and even when they come to me for advice.

    During conversations, I'd switch my opinion when they'd come to me for advice and then, they'd switch to the opposite and it's like 'why did you even come to me, if all you're gonna do is gonna be the opposite of what I say?'

    And lots of people still don't listen to me, but if I bring the feeling that 'no one ever listens to me' into my workings, the energies will listen and ignore me. Lots of people do use magick as a form of therapy and much of magick is. But, they aren't mindful that your social experience in the past with other material beings is something you bring with you to magick, not just how focused you are on what you want for an end goal.

    With my hand, for instance, the energy work I'm primarily working with is enochian, but I'm not working with a specific spirit in the heirarchy. I'm working with all of them that have an office related to physical healing and protection. They know themselves better than I do, so I'm just calling any and all of them in that could involved in this. And while that's happening, I'm keeping in mind that they are hearing me and doing as I've spelled out for them and I'm doing the self-focus that my body is responding in this particular way to make myself better.

    And it's working. My nerves are still frayed and it'll take time for my hair to grow back in, but it's getting better. And I've decided to keep my head shaved, so it looks better, even though I hate the look of my head with no hair. It's better than looking like a freak and having spots of hair gone from all over and having to answer the same question wherever I go: what the hell happened to you? Like I'm wanting to relive it.


Thanks for your comments, your opinions are valued, even if I disagree with them. Please feel free to criticize my ideas and arguments, question my observations, and push back if you disagree.