Monday, August 09, 2010

You Know... For Fun

Man, magic is supposed to be fun. I don't know how people forgot that, but while this whole Great Work thing is important and serious business and all, we're doing it because we want to have more fun. We want the things that we think will bring more fun into our lives, more pleasure, to be better, live better, feel better, and thrive. Magic is about achieving the awesome and feeling good about it.

Recent posts by Kenaz Filan have been fascinating to me. In my fundie Christian days, we used to go on and on about how the shit of life was really just trials from God, opportunities to be melted down, refined, and reforged as something special in the Kingdom of Heaven. And let me tell you, if you think Evangelical Christians make life hard for Pagans and other non-Christians, they make life even harder on themselves. In worse ways. Their kids are born deformed because they have this "have moar babiez" doctrine in the Evangelical community these days, and women in their forties are having babies long after their zygotes have been corrupted by time on planet Earth. They have to look at their deformed children and give thanks to God for them.

And mean it.

Kenaz and Krasskova discuss a similar mindset, but from a Pagan point of view. A friend and I were talking about it, and his comment was, "If your spirituality regularly fucks up your life, you're doing it wrong." I completely agree. But at the same time I completely understand the reticence to recognize that your spirituality is fucking up your life. It's supposed to be fun, it's supposed to lead to good changes, and the suffering is surprising, but you justify it because you want to believe what you're doing is right and good for you, regardless of the obvious pain and stress and emotional, mental, and physical illnesses it's creating in your life. You don't want to be wrong, and people keep telling you the rewards are great if you keep pressing on. Or you tell yourself.

And see, sometimes in the Great Work, it's true, the suffering can sometimes lead to something powerful and spiritual, it can release something absolutely wonderful that you really need to finish the Work. Attaining the Supernatural Assistant can be a bitch, for example. But it's not supposed to be that way all the time. If it's lasting more than a season of the year, and it's become regular and consistent, there's something seriously wrong.

My foray into Goetia was like that. I kept on suffering, and kept on justifying it, mostly because I wanted to be right, but also mostly because I wanted to be right. You know, right as in "I'm always right," and right as in, "These spirits really CAN bring you a million dollars in cash overnight while you're sleeping and they won't fuck up your life, I mean it!" I wanted the be so freaking right about that.

But I wasn't. For four motherfucking years. Two years longer than I made it in fundy church. It wasn't nearly as bad, though, fundy church is a lot of hell right away in doses that are far stronger than what you need to just plain kill you. Goetia was slower and more subtle. It never looked like it was fucking up your life from up close. Perspective matters.

And I'd lost that. But I got it back, and man, seriously, if your spirituality is fucking up your life all the time, and it's lasting longer than three months, you need to either kick your magic up a few notches and blow that shit out of the water already, or change your approach. If it's a blocked chakra that needs to be cleansed out because it's tormenting your life, then raise the kundalini and blow it out. Lance the boil that's oozing puss into your bloodstream already. If the shit stirred up during an attempt to commune with the Holy Guardian Angel is taking that long to incinerate, turn up the heat. More enflamed prayer from the Moon. Call that Solar Flame down already.

Because it ain't supposed to hurt that bad that long.

If it's not that, if there's no major spiritual goal you're working on, then seriously, reassess your approach. Is your God regularly kicking your ass? That's an abuser, baby. What kind of example are you setting for your kids? You want them to grow up thinking it's ok if God hits mommy when he's drunk, cause he pays the rent on the trailer lot almost every month?


Knock that aluminum can of budweiser out of his hand, turn off the game, and kick him out. You need cops or a big brother to back you up? Call on Michael the Archangel, or better yet, the LOGOS. He don't put up with no shit out of any spirit that wants to play god and beat on women. I guarantee.


  1. God, THANK YOU for this. I was reading the articles over on Kenaz's blog, and I just kept my mouth shut because somebody else's spirituality isn't my business. But I couldn't shake the feeling that some of what I was reading reminded me of when I was in an abusive relationship with an odious ex. And it was hard enough to get away from him, and I didn't have to deal with the whole "but he's GOD" thing. *shudder* If that gives you what you need, have at and not my business. But I agree. I do not want to be literally abused again, ever, by anyone or anything, in the name of holiness or salvation or the Red Work or whatever the fuck. Just: no. Not for me.

  2. "You want them to grow up thinking it's ok if God hits mommy when he's drunk, cause he pays the rent on the trailer lot almost every month?".....

    That is solid gold, bro. I'm laughing as I type! I wonder which Gods lurk about the trailer park, inspiring bouts of Pabst-fueled violence and lust?

  3. You should buy my Genii Loci book when it's published. I'll be including trailer park spirits.

    And for the record, per agrippa, they're saturnine spirits. See, trailer parks are almost always built in swampy marshy areas that have barely been drained. They've got the marshy swamp spirits of death and decay, the spirits of Saturn.

  4. "And I'd lost that. But I got it back, and man, seriously, if your spirituality is fucking up your life all the time, and it's lasting longer than three months, you need to either kick your magic up a few notches and blow that shit out of the water already, or change your approach."

    Or call on a spirit and they will help you. Any of them really, in different ways and with different approaches and in the end it does not matter which path you choose and what you think you need......... if you try there will come a point when you will KNOW. The easy way or the hard way, it does not matter really, just ask for help. Some times we need to get to the bottom before we can go back to the top of the slide. Then when we get to the top we can go for a ride.

    Helter Skelter Baby! ;)

    "Because it ain't supposed to hurt that bad that long."

    No it is not. But it is amazing how long we can let it hurt for before we ask for help.

    Love Kathy

  5. I agree with you. Honestly, my "fundie days" only brought me fear, guilt, shame, inward and outward turmoil. I learned a lot of things, but mostly I learned how NOT to be, what NOT to believe, and how NOT to live.

    K&C/HGA definitely kicked my ass, but all of that was necessary. It was an ass kicking in the "This is totally good for you, you'll see in time" sense of the ass kicking. But I've gotten more peace than I ever thought I would get through my transformation in Hermetic Magick, and have been given a worldview so deeply ingrained that I am able to handle things I never thought I could.

    Not to mention, it's been a lot of fun along the way, as well. I really enjoyed this post.

  6. Frater RO you could not have said it more clearly.
    Due to my 'religious history' I asked two questions and thought one or the other would lead the right way.
    One was if I found the right religious perspective I would figure out what it is I am supposed to be doing and the fear/pain would go away.
    Two it is my perception of 'god' that is not right if I got it right then the fear/pain would go away.

    Neither worked.

    So I walked away from both. They just made no sense and brought more fear/pain. I figured out at least for me it was a demiurge system - it don't work - tis broke or maybe it is working to the delight of what ever is involved.

    That is why I am cautious in any 'work' - I just don't want the fear/pain again and making excuses for it all the time!

    Not me - not ever - no more.

    Then of course I gotta get a grip on my self and not be so suspicious all the time of what I find as I learn/the work... a balance.

  7. RO-What you said! Its amazing how some can take something so messed up and make it sound so reasonable. Whatever.

  8. Well said!

    This self-deception phenomenon is an interesting foil to the (perhaps more common) "comfortably spiritual," to which i, alas, too much tend.

  9. I *love* this so hard and I've known a few people who love for their gods to treat them like shit. It's getting incorporated into my practice and mindset!


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