Words words words. I just deleted a huge old long post about how I've slipped in my Work, and replaced the Great Work with Working for money. After a lengthy discussion on sin, repentance, and how that works as a magician, after detailing out plans to get right with God through magic and balancing out my spheres with rituals, I had to face something uncomfortable. The only reason I wanted to get right with God was still so that I could get the money.
What a pain in the ass.
How do you kill the Golden Calf? How do you stop lusting for results, if you're only trying to stop lusting for results to get the results you lust after?
It's totally absurd. I can't stop wanting money. It's good stuff. It buys good stuff. It solves a myraid of problems. Instead of turning away from wanting money, I've got to find a way to focus instead on the Great Work and getting money. I have to get in harmony. Integrate the passions for payola with the passions for God. To celebrate God in money, because it is, after all, an emanation from him as much as anything else is. It is what it is.
So, fuck it. Back to Bune. He's always pulled my fat out of the fire. I'll let him take care of the money, and I'll just go back to focusing on the Great Work. I'll just quit spending the money I get from my magic on stupid shit. Be fiscally responsible. I'll Work with Tzadqiel on that aspect of my spheres, because as long as I'm being irresponsible, no amount of funding that irresponsibility will result in Wealth. But I still need the money to get out of the hole I'm in. Ignoring that would be pretty stupid. Sure, I'll start by cutting back expenses, going through the steps that all the financial gurus say to do (which is basically spend less than you earn, frickin' duh), but when it comes to generating the wealth, I'm still going to stick with the spirits.